Friday, April 28, 2006

The cast is gone

Yay! The cast is gone! They gave me a very strange ankle brace that laces up like a shoe. It's very odd-looking, but better than the cast. I don't even want to talk about how awful my leg looks after being in the cast for that long. But the cast is gone!!!

*does happy dance*

I'll be doing physical therapy for a few weeks to help the ankle loosen up. It's stiff right now and a little difficult to walk on. But still... no cast! I can take a long, hot bubble bath now...

Yet another quiz...

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"The bottle was empty." (Fahrenheit 451)

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
A bookshelf filled with my favorite books.

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Right now, I'm watching my Angel DVDs. Season 5.

4) WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
About 10 p.m.

5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
10:11 p.m.

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The TV is on, playing the episode called "A Hole In the World" from the TV series Angel.

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Returning to my car to get my cell phone, about three hours ago.

8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Checked my email.

9) What are you wearing?
T-shirt from my trip to LA last summer and a pair of gym shorts.

10) Did you dream last night?
I dream every night. Last night it was about my grandmother's house. It was odd, as my dreams tend to be, lol.

11) When did you last laugh?
I was just watching "Smile Time," the episode of Angel. It's hilarious!!!

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Lots of pictures of my sister's kids, a print of Starry Night (my favorite painting) a Serenity poster and a Lord of the Rings poster.

13) Seen anything weird lately?
Nothing too strange... my life is pretty normal.

14) What do you think of this quiz?
It's pretty cool.

15) What is the last film you saw?
Silent Hill, in the theaters last week. I didn't really enjoy it.

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A house.

17) Tell us something about you that we don't know.
I don't eat seafood.

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Get rid of the hatred and anger.

19) Do you like to dance?
I love to dance, but I'm not very good at it!

20) What was the last CD you purchased?
The soundtrack to Veronica Mars. Great music.

21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Kaylee Anne or Elisabeth Rhea

22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Alexander or Christopher (I don't know what the middle name would be)

23) Would you ever consider living abroad?
Absolutely! I love a good adventure!

The cast is going... (hopefully)

In about 5 minutes, I will be leaving my house to go to the doctor. If the x-rays look good, he will saw off this horrible cast and my broken ankle adventure will be over. I really hope it happens today, because if it doesn't, I'll have to wear this heavy thing all weekend and then to my fundraiser on Tuesday. So this morning I'm saying a little prayer that my ankle is fully healed. It feels fully healed, so maybe that's a good sign. I'll report back later with the (hopefully good) news.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

One week and counting

The fundraiser is one week away. We had our final meeting tonight and it went really well. Tomorrow we are going to start packaging auction items. Other than that, there's a lot going on at work. I'm finishing up our quarterly newsletter and the annual report. And I have to design logos for two trucks and a van. Never a dull moment, I swear...

I've been thinking a lot about Summer's Blossom, the first Faithgirls book. It's a good book, I really believe that, but I think it needs some more work. So I've decided to work on it a bit before sending it back out into the world. I'm going to spend a month editing very carefully and researching publishers, and then I'll send it back out in June.

I really want to get back to the first Deadlines book. It's such a fun story. But I need to outline it first, because I can't go much further in the book without knowing who the killer is. I'd say that's pretty crucial information.

The second Faithgirls book is going to be about hurricane relief, and I think I might be ready to start thinking about it. Elisabeth, from Summer's Blossom, is the main character. I love this character and can't wait to see what her story is going to be. I have ideas, but these stories tend to write themselves, so it's going to be cool to see what happens.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy, hectic day... hopefully it will be over quickly.

Look at this!!!

So my best friend in the whole world just finished designing an awesome Web site for me. Check it out here! I'm so excited about this! So tell me what you think!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Beauty in everything

Yet another rose pic from my day at the pier last week. Isn't it pretty? I was having a conversation with someone today about seeing the good in everything. It's something I've always done. Sometimes it gets me into trouble because I see the good in every person as well, and sometimes that can blind me to the bad. But only sometimes. I've become a little more cautious with people these days.

I was also thinking today that I have completely given up on my book, which is just a bad idea. I believe in the book and I think the story is one that needs to be told. So I'm going to start working on getting it published again. And another thing, I'm going to start writing something else. I miss writing so much!

Luckily, the fundraiser is almost over. A week from tomorrow is the big event, and when it's finished, I'll be able to breathe again. And then, I plan to make plans for a vacation to end all vacations. I'm thinking a beach and a book is the best option right now...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Crazy weekend

Normally I would post on here no matter what, but it's been an insane weekend. On Friday, Rhea and I went to see Silent Hill. My official opinion on this movie is don't waste your time. It. Was. Horrible. (and I don't usually say that) I can normally find something good about a movie, and while this one had some genuinely creepy moments, some moments where Rhea and I were both making high pitched squeeling noises (softly, of course.. we would never disturb anyone in the theater) overall it just wasn't a great movie. It was like the writers got tired of the story near the end and said, "hey, let's tie this up however we can and then go back and add clues later." It just didn't feel right. Kind of like the end of White Noise. In fact, I'd compare it to White Noise in that it was an interesting premise with lots of potential, but the last 30 minutes or so completely ruined it. So anyway, that was my Friday night. It was fun, though.

Saturday, I drove my parents to Baton Rouge to see Andre Rieu in concert. He has this orchestra and they play waltzes and other classical music. They also do show tunes, and he has a choir and soloists who do opera. It was really quite nice. More fun than going to the symphony, and I love going to the symphony. There was one really neat moment in the evening (my mother says he does it at every concert) where they played a waltz and he talked about how people just have to dance to it everytime they play it. Lo and behold, couples all over the arena started getting out of their chairs and they began to waltz. It was nice. One couple really, really knew what they were doing. They looked like they were floating on air. It was so pretty. Beside our seats, near the aisle, an older couple danced together. They were so cute, looking into each other's eyes, dancing together like they had been dancing together for 50 years. They probably have. It was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. So it was a very nice evening. We drove almost 8 hours yesterday, to get to the concert and then back home. But the look on my mother's face when they started playing made it all worth it. She was so excited, and she enjoyed it so much. It was nice to see that.

I spent most of today doing nothing, because after all the driving and walking yesterday my ankle was really hurting. In fact, it still hurts. I'll be so glad when this is over. The cast is really starting to get annoying. I want it to be gone so I can start making plans for all the fun I want to have this summer. Vacation, Saturdays at the beach, a couple of weekends in Auburn with Chris (hopefully) and one weekend I want to take Noah to Six Flags. We talked about that today and he's really excited to ride the Superman ride.

Anyway, that was my weekend. It was nice getting out of the house so much, since the injury has made me stick close to home recently. Now that I'm more mobile, it's good to do things away from home. I go to the doctor again this coming Friday. Hopefully there will be good news.

Well, I'd better stop here. I have some work to do before going to bed.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Good to get out

Today, after work, I went to my favorite coffee house (The Coffee Loft) and then down to the Fairhope Pier. I didn't feel like going home right away, and the beach is always a great place to spend a little time. In fact, it's where I usually go when I need some peace, some time to think, and a little relaxation. So I went down there today. After everything that's been happening in the last couple of weeks, it was a welcome experience. And the best thing? The roses were still blooming. So I got some pretty pictures in the process! I haven't been out to take pictures since I broke my ankle, so it was nice to get back to that too. Since I've been walking for the last couple of days (walking casts are great!) I felt comfortable walking around with my camera. I took tons of pics, including the one posted here. I love roses. The scent is heavenly. Anyway, it was good to get outside today, to see the real world and truly spend some time enjoying it. I feel like I haven't done that in ages.

Things with the fundraiser are going great! We only have a few more tables to sell, and we have 24 restaurants signed up. It looks like this event will be just as great as last year. Our other major event is coming up too, a massive food drive that stretches across two counties in our service area. My mother is always involved in this one, so it's kind of a fun thing we do together. And this year, I think Noah might come too. I hope he does. It'll be good for him to volunteer his time, it can help him learn the value of giving of yourself, which is a lesson I think every child should learn pretty early on. It just helps them grow up to be generous, giving adults. We need more of those in the world.

Here's something completely random: I got Pink's new CD yesterday and it's great! I got it at Wal-Mart, so it's the clean version of all the songs. I love "Stupid Girl." And the second song on the CD is good. I can't remember the name. There's another one too, number 9, but again, can't remember the name. Oh, and I bought The Killers again. I actually own the CD, but haven't been able to find it for a few months, so I just decided to buy it again. It's soooo good. I've decided that my favorite thing to do is driving in my (new) car with great music playing and the sunroof and windows open. Something about the wind in my hair, the sun shining through the sunroof, and the music playing... it's just great. I actually look forward to getting in my car now.

So anyway, things are good here. I'm trying to decide where to go on vacation this year. I'm thinking it might be fun to take a little trip by myself this year. Maybe a condo on the beach or something, a place where I can write and relax. Anyone have any suggestions??

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A get to know you survey

Just because there's nothing else to do...

1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
Fix people. I always want to make people better, to make them happy. And I just can't do that, because people have to make themselves happy.

2. What should you be doing rather than this survey?

3. What is your ideal marriage location?
Anywhere that my family and friends can share the happiness.

4. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
Guitar and piano.

5. Favorite fabric?
Anything light and airy, especially this time of year.

6. Favorite song?
Seasons of Love from Rent

7. Something you love and hate?
I love how beautiful the world is, especially on a sunny day. I hate intolerance of any kind.

8. What kind of bedding do you use?
Soft cotton sheets and a comforter. Nothing fancy.

9. What kind of soap do you use?
Caress body wash. It smells delicious!

10. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
No way! I don't kiss and tell.

11. What's the one language you want to learn?
Chinese - just because.

12. How do you eat an apple?
I cut the peel off in one long strip. Then I cut the apple into pieces, taking out the core. Depending on my mood, I will sometimes put peanut butter on the apple pieces.

13. What do you order at a bar?
I rarely go to bars anymore, but my favorite drink with dinner is a margarita for Mexican food, of course, and if it's Italian, a nice Merlot.

14. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Not personally, but I did have my ears pierced when I was young. Nothing else.

15. Do you have tattoos?
No, although I did consider getting one once. I wanted to get a butterfly, but I won't say where...

16. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted?
I would never have plastic surgery done. I think our society is too vain, and I refuse to cave to that pressure and undergo surgery just to be pretty.

17. What's one of the "funnest" things you've ever done?
Going to Disney World with my nephew, Noah. He was so much fun!

18. Can you drive a stick shift car?
Yes, but not well. I don't like driving them, though. I like to have my hand free to mess with the radio and the sunroof, lol.

19. What's one trait you hate in a person?
Just one? I can list more. Hatred, anger, intolerance, negativity, I could go on and on...

20. What's your favorite TV show of all time?

21. What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
An Italian charm watch with charms on it that mean something to me, including charms with places I've been and places I want to go, words that give me strength (Faith, Hope, Love) an Earth charm because it's important to take care of our home, an orange ribbon charm for hunger awareness, a cross to show my faith, and more...

22. Most frivolous purchase?
I once paid waaaay too much for a pocket computer. I love it, though.

23. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Not really. I like gadgets and I don't think I would enjoy life as much without technology, but I can do without most material things and be happy.

24. What do you cook the best?
Chicken parmesan

25. Favorite writing instrument?
I love the physical act of writing with a nice pen. But I mostly use a keyboard.

26. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Stand out.

27. Do you have anything monogrammed?
Not that I can think of.

28. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Not on purpose, but I often wear pants and jeans, and guys wear those things. But of course, I wear ladies pants, not mens pants, so I guess that's the difference.

29. What's one car you will never buy?
A Chevrolet Cavalier (I've owned two, neither of which I actually purchased myself, and I will never own another one.)

30. Have you ever done drugs?
Absolutely not.

31. What kind of books do you like to read?
Mysteries, satire, scary, chick lit, inspirational (not self-help)

32. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Pay off student loans and then pay off any bills my parents have. Then I would take a trip to Europe. With Chris and Rhea.

33. Burial or cremation?

34. How many online journals do you read regularly?
Look at the ones in my links list and you'll know.

35. What's one thing you're a sore loser at?
I hate, hate, hate losing at Trivial Pursuit. And I ALWAYS do.

36. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I usually avoid them.

37. How many drinks before you're tipsy?
2 long island iced teas and I'm pretty much gone.

38. Favorite kind of porn?
I've never actually seen porn.

39. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
Yes. I don't change in front of anyone.

40. Do you cry in front of friends?
It's happened a few times, but I don't like when it does.

41. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
I've been told I come off as a little flaky at first. And most people tell me I'm too nice.

42. What's one thing you like to do alone?

43. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone?
I told my sister that she was not my sister. I still feel awful about it, over 10 years later.

44. Are you a giver or a taker?
Giver. Sometimes too much of a giver.

45. What have you stolen before?
Does downloading music count? I used to use Napster (before the legal battles began)

46. When's the last time you cried?
Last week.

47. What's your favorite way to communicate?
In person, so I can see all the nonverbal signals.

48. What is one thing you don't leave home without?
My car. (lol)

49. What's the most painful experience you've ever had?
Having my tonsils taken out. And more recently, breaking my ankle.

50. What is something you feel very strongly about?
I actually have lots of "causes" that I'm passionate about. Ending hunger, ending child abuse, protecting the environment, preventing animal cruelty, intolerance, fair treatment and equality for everyone, peace... there are so many more...

awesome day

I can see the end of the ordeal... I walked across my office today! Yay! I feel like I got a lot done at work today, which is good. I was in a fabulous mood today for no particular reason. And tonight, when I was driving home from my fundraiser meeting, I was listening to music with the windows down and the sunroof open, and I just felt this unbelievable feeling of happiness. It was incredible. I was listening to this great song by Newsboys called "Joy" and I really felt that joy. It was great.

Speaking of music, Saturday I got a new CD, it's the Best of REM. And it really does reflect their best work. All my favorite songs are on there: Man on the Moon, What's the Frequency Kenneth?, Orange Crush, Imitation of Life, Losing My Religion, and Stand. Well... almost all my favorite songs are on there. Why does the Best of REM CD not contain It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I feel fine) How can they justify leaving that song off??? I must download it and put it on a CD.

So that got me to thinking... songs with lists are interesting. You know, like the aforementioned REM song, and that Billy Joel song, We Didn't Start the Fire. Remember that one?? I had a teacher in sixth grade (oh, I'm showing everyone how old I am now...) who offered extra credit to anyone who could accurately write all the lyrics down. Nobody could. This was before the Internet, of course. Now you can go to sites like this and not only read the lyrics but click on the links and learn why that particular word or phrase was important in history. Of course, most of these are pretty obvious. So let's see... I'm sure there are other "list" songs. Oh! La Vie Boheme from Rent is one. A great "list" song. I'm particularly proud of the fact that they include my distant cousin, Vaclav Havel, in that list. Of course, who wouldn't include a man so incredible? It is one of my greatest ambitions to meet him one day and tell him how much I admire and respect him, and how much of an inspiration he has been in my life.

I can't think of any other list songs that actually list events or people that are significant. There are lots of songs that utilize the "list" style, but I'm not really talking about those. I'm mostly talking about the ones that list actual events and/or people that define an era, a culture, or a group of people.

Okay, this was a totally random post, but it happens.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Lead of Love

This sort of goes with the last post, but I thought it deserved its own. I thought I had posted it long ago, but it looks like I didn't. I searched for it and couldn't find it, so if I did post it, I'm sorry. I think I may have sent it in an email to someone and just thought I posted it here. But anyway, here's the song that I feel defines my life. It really defines how I'm feeling right now and how I've always felt when I look back on my life, whether I'm looking back on the last five years or the last five days. It's something that I return to, something that gives me strength.

Lead of Love
Caedmon's Call

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery

Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking back I can finally see (I'd rather have wisdom)
How failures bring humility (than be)
Brings me to my knees (a comfortable fool)
Helps me see my need for Thee

Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Peace, Joy, and Hope

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5

I came across this verse tonight when I was having my quiet time, something I've neglected lately and am really trying start doing regularly again. It was just what I needed at the perfect time. That's one of my favorite things about spiritual meditation. I usually get just the guidance I need when I need it, if I'm really open to hearing what God has to say. I know this verse, have read it many times, but for some reason it resonates a lot with me right now. You see, I've been thinking a lot about peace, hope and joy. I can never rejoice in suffering when I try to do it myself. I have to ask for God's help. And He helps me. I know that sounds a little simplistic, but that's just the way it works for me. So tonight I decided to ask for help again. No circumstances should ever steal my joy. And I love the part about suffering producting endurance, endurance producing character and character producing hope. (kind of reminds me of the Yoda quote about fear leading to anger and anger leading to hate or whatever in Star Wars) But it's true. Certain things lead to other things, and I want my sufferings to end in hope. And I know they will, because they always do.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!

Today was a beautiful day, and we had a great time celebrating Easter. Noah, Hannah and Kohl (my sister's kids) came over and we had a great Easter egg hunt. They ran all around my front lawn looking for these little plastic eggs (filled with candy, of course) that the Easter Bunny (their dad) hid only minutes before the hunt. It was great. Kohl enjoyed his first Easter egg hunt ever (it rained last year and the year before that, he was too young) even though I think he was still a little young to fully grasp the concept. He kept taking the eggs out of his basket and throwing them as hard as he could at the ground. Maybe he was trying to break them open to get the candy out, but there are ways to do that without getting the candy dirty. So I demonstrated how to open the plastic eggs to get the candy, and he decided throwing them on the ground was still more fun. So he kept doing it. It was really quite funny. So anyway, we had a great day.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before or not, but I'm thinking about going back to school. I think it's time to start working on my Master's. So I'm going to start doing some research on that. One really great thing is, if I decide to go ahead and do it here, the Communication department at University of South Alabama (where I got my undergrad degree) is something like 13th in the country, so it's a good place to go. All I have to do is take the GRE and apply. Then there's the financial aid issue, but I'll deal with that when the time comes. I was talking to Rhea this weekend about it, and she agreed that I'll have to do things very slowly if I want to keep working. And I do want to keep working. So I'm going to take the next step toward what I ultimately want to do. I've had this particular desire for quite some time, to be a college professor, to teach communications classes. I've always thought it would be fun to teach speech. I'd love to be the one to help the shy students feel comfortable speaking in public, and to help the not-so-shy students refine their technique so that they can be truly great communicators.

So anyway, I'm looking into it. More on that later.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Pic of the cast

So here it is. I've had lots of requests for a pic of my cast, so I'm posting one now. I had to take it myself, so the pic is actually only of the cast itself. The thing is, I'm going in for an appointment on Monday to get a new cast put on because this one is getting very loose.

So this is the cast I've had for two weeks. There will be a new one for only two more weeks (hopefully) and then things will get back to normal. (again, I say hopefully)

Friday, April 14, 2006

roller coaster

So it seems I'm on the top of the hill again on the roller coaster of my life. I can see the whole amusement park from here. And that's what the world is, isn't it? Just a great big amusement park. There are haunted houses that terrify you and fun houses that make you feel like nothing is really what it seems, roller coasters that feel completely out of control and, merry go rounds that spin you around so quickly that you feel like you're going to be sick. My life is a roller coaster with lots of loops and turns. But like I said, I'm at the top of the hill and the thrilling dive is coming. The long, slow rise to the top is over, and this is the moment to sit on the edge, looking down, waiting for the exciting part. My boss told me the other day that I needed to work on being "in the moment." Since the beginning of the year, I've been somewhere else all the time and haven't really been "in the moment." But right now, on the top of the hill, I feel more "in the moment" than I have ever been in my life. It might feel out of control sometimes, but my life is on track. And nothing is going to knock me off that track. Though I can't see the path ahead, I know I'm poised on the edge of something big. And that's exciting.

Reason to Live

What is the meaning of life?
I've asked myself so many times
Is there a reason I'm here?
I wish someone would make it clear
'Cause I'm living from day to day, feeling so far away
Maybe I'm not as sane as I thought
Keeping my eyes on You is something I've gotta do
Even when I don't feel like it

I won't give up, I won't give in
I'm ready for my life to start again
I won't back down, I'll stand my ground
The time is now to show the love I've found
I've got a reason to breathe, I've got the freedom to stand
The future is mine, I'll give it all I can
To break down the walls that hold me in
It's my reason to live

My reason to wake up every day and bless Your name
In the crush of this crazy mixed up world
Only You have stayed the same
I know I have a place here in amazing grace
Forever safe, forever sound
Time after time I see You are the best in me
You're everything I'm chasing after
Listen as the walls fall down
Hear the nations calling out

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Two for one

Another lunchtime post. Another rant about what's wrong with me. I have come to a conclusion about myself. There are two Anitas for the price of one. I'd say it's a pretty good deal, but the combination may be a little too much to deal with.

Anita #1: Wants to be successful. Is extremely proud of all accomplishments and wants to go as far as possible in chosen career path. This Anita is ambitious and driven to work hard and to be respected as a professional. Wants to go to graduate school as soon as possible and eventually become a professor. Wants to be an author. Wants to work with teenage girls, encouraging them and making sure they know that they are beautiful and valuable, and that it is not their purpose to be someone's trophy, that they can have their own lives and accomplishments. Wants to save the planet and feed the hungry. Wants to live a life filled with meaning and real purpose, whether that means being single for the rest of it or not. Doesn't need a man, but knows life would be nice with one around. Would like to get married and have a child, but this is not a top priority. Wants to be in love, but isn't willing to compromise everything for it.

Anita #2: Wants nothing more than to get married and have at least one child, but really wants to have more. Wants to have a family to take care of. Wants to work, but also wants to have plenty of time to spend with family.

Okay, so before you say anything, it's obvious which Anita wins the argument. Anita #1 is much more healthy and interesting. Right now, Anita #2 is putting doubts in Anita #1's head about whether or not she can live the life she wants with a man, and keeps telling her that she doesn't want to live life without one. Is it impossible to have both? Can a woman really have independent ambitions, goals, purpose, and life with a man? I think so. I really hope so, because I'm not willing to compromise what Anita #1 wants. But I look at my sister's kids and I think how great it would be to have one. (is this what they mean when they talk about the biological clock? I mean, it's not ticking yet, because I know I'm not ready for a child, but I feel certain that will change in the next few years, and it scares me a little that I may not find the right person by then) I hate to keep coming back to it, but I am almost 30. What if I work hard for the next ten years and then wake up 40, depressed, alone, and wishing I had spent my 20's and 30's doing what my mom did when she was my age? (which was staying at home with her two infants) What if? I'm not willing to compromise, so what if I have to just deal with the consequences of that? I guess I'll know in ten years. Sometimes I hate being a woman.

So anyway, 2 Anitas for the price of 1. I wonder if there is anyone out there crazy enough to take the whole package. As is. No warranty.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

One day at a time

Today was better than yesterday, although right now I feel like I've been run over by about four trains, and then trampled by a herd of elephants. I think something might be wrong with me. Mentally, maybe emotionally. Of course we know something physically wrong. Having a broken limb makes everything difficult and it saps your energy. So maybe that's what's wrong with me right now. Who knows...

I've been feeling very restless lately. Like I'm not supposed to be where I am. Like something is wrong with my situation. I'm not sure what the solution is, but there has to be one. Or maybe I'm just exhausted.

Sorry for such a negative post. I'm just feeling so tired and unsettled. But it'll pass. It always does.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Some days you should just stay in bed

Work was okay today. But I'm pretty much a train wreck anyway. Not because of work, but because of my personal life. Today, I am single again. I've never felt so awful about a breakup before. Mainly because I've never been the one to do the breaking up. So the following lyrics are for both of us.

Beauty From Pain

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

Monday, April 10, 2006

Day of confusion

Some things happened today that are very confusing to me. And they will remain confusing until I take action. So I've decided I'd better do it. I'm sorry to be so vague, but there's a reason for it that I might reveal at some point. But for now, I'm tired. For now, I'm going to sleep. Big decisions can wait until tomorrow.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Another beautiful day in Alabama

I took these pics a few weeks ago, from one of the piers in Fairhope. Don't ask me why I'm posting them now, I was just looking through my pics and saw these. The best thing about living near the water is the fact that you can always take cool photos. I usually like my sunset photos best, but for some reason I love these seagulls. Especially the close up. I normally think birds are creepy, but this one seemed to be actually posing for the photo, so I had to take it.

Yesterday's rain made everything perk up. It's so green and bright here. It really is a beautiful day. Even with hurricane season looming only days away, I have to admit that I love this place. Days like this always remind me how much I love it.

Ankle update: Nothing really new to report. My right knee is still sore and a little stiff. It's tired of doing all the work. I've been asked by several people if I've taken any pictures of me in my cast. I have not yet, and I don't know if I really want to. I'm usually on the other side of the camera. But who knows... maybe I'll post a pic before the cast comes off. But not today.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Washing the car always makes it rain

We've been having a bit of a dry spell lately. It's been almost a month since our last rain. My new car was looking very dusty yesterday, so I drove it through a touchless car wash to make it shiny again. Normally I would have scrubbed it down myself, but that would probably break the cardinal rule of "never get the cast wet," so I chose to go with the car wash this time. So I washed my car yesterday. Today, we had a thunderstorm. It looks like it's moving through now, going somewhere else, but the fact that it came just after I washed my car is no coincidence. Which makes me think I should have washed my car sooner. Oh well.

My boss claims she's going crazy because she "paid for an imaginary friend" at lunch the other day. Basically that means the restaurant charged her for an extra person and she didn't catch it. I love when she does something out of the ordinary, because she tells everyone about it in a really funny, boisterous manner that just makes everyone laugh. It really creates a great working environment, especially during stressful times when we would be snapping at each other but can't because we're too busy laughing.

Ankle update: I'm actually not feeling well today, mostly because of the ankle but also because of my right knee. It's starting to really feel the extra use. I'm going to spend the day lounging in bed, watching DVDs and wishing I could be on a deserted island somewhere. Maybe my X-Files season 6 DVD set will arrive. I haven't watched the season 6 episodes since they aired. If it does arrive today, I'll have to do a marathon. Or maybe I'll just sleep.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Things I've Done

I saw this on someone else's blog and I had to see which of them I've done. It's fun, everyone should try it.
The ones I've done are in red.
The ones I haven't done are in black.
The ones in blue are things I want to do one day.

I have eaten more than 5 meals in one day.
I have read a lot of books.
I have been on some sort of varsity team.
I have walked/run more than 2 miles without stopping.
I have been to Canada.
I have been to Europe.
I have watched cartoons for hours.
I have tripped UP the stairs.
I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
I have been snowboarding/skiing.
I have played ping pong.
I swam in the ocean.
I have been on a whale watch.
I have seen fireworks.
I have seen a shooting star.
I have seen a meteor shower.
I have almost drowned.
I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
I have had stitches.
I have been on the honor roll.
I have had frostbite.
I have licked a frozen pole. (why would someone do that??)
I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
I currently have a job.
I have been ice skating.
I have been rollerblading.
I have fallen flat on my face.
I have tripped over my own two feet.
I have been in a fist fight.
I have watched the power rangers. (it was just the one time, with my nephew!)
I do attend Church regularly.
I have played truth or dare.
I have already had my 18th birthday.
I've lost weight since one year ago.
I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
I've been in a verbal argument.
I've cried in school.
I've played basketball on a team.
I've played baseball on a team.
I've played football on a team.
I've played soccer on a team.
I've done cheerleading on a team.
I've played softball on a team.
I've played volleyball on a team.
I've played hockey on a team.
I've played tennis on a team.
I've been on a swim team.
I've been on a golf team.
I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
I've bungee jumped.
I've climbed a rock wall.
I've lost more than $20.
I've called myself an idiot.
I've called someone else an idiot.
I've cried myself to sleep.
I've had (or have) pets.
I've owned a Spice Girls cd.
I've owned a Britney Spears cd.
I've owned an N*Sync cd.
I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd.
I've sworn at someone in authority. (at least, not to their face)
I've been in the newspaper.
I've been on TV.
I've been to Hawaii.
I've eaten sushi.
I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
I've watched the 3 stooges.
I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
I've watched Looney Tunes
I've been stuffed into a locker.
I've been called a geek.
I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
I've met a celebrity/music artist.
I've written poetry.
I've been arrested.
I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
I've been tickled till I've cried.
I've tickled someone else until they cried.
I've had/have siblings.
I've been to a rock concert(s).
I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
I've been in a play
I've been picked last in gym class.
I've been picked first in gym class.
I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
I've cried in front of my friends.
I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
I've played Halo 2.
I've freaked out over a sports game
I've been to Alaska
I've been to China
I've been to Spain.
I've been to France.
I've had a fight with someone on MSN or AIM
I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
I've had serious conversations on any IM
I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
I've been forgiven.
I've screamed at a scary movie.
I've cried at a chick flick.
I've watched a lot of action movies.
I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
I've been to a rap concert.
I've been to a hip hop concert.
I've lived in more than 2 houses.
I've driven on the highway
I've driven more than 40 miles in a day. (that's every day, actually)
I've been in a car accident
I've been homesick.
I've thrown up
I've puked all over someone
I've been horseback riding (I love horseback riding!)
I've spoken my mind in public.
I've proved someone wrong.
I've been proved wrong by someone.
I've broken a leg. (well, my ankle)
I've broken an arm. (well, my elbow)
I've fallen off a swing.
I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
I've lost my backpack.
I've come close to dying. (when I almost drowned when I was 5)
I've seen someone die/dying.
I've known someone who has died.
I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. (a part of me still really does)
I've done modeling.
I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings. (that's why I carry a toothbrush and toothpaste with me... I'm strange, I know)
I've taken something/someone for granted.
I've realized how good my life is.
I've counted my blessings.
I've made fun of a classmate.
I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
I've asked someone on a date and been turned down.
I've slapped someone in the face. (changed because I remembered a time when I did this. See the comments for the story, lol)
I've been skateboarding.
I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
I've lied to someone to their face. (I'm not proud of it)
I've told a little white lie.
I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
I've fainted.
I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
I've pushed someone into a pool.
I've been pushed into a pool.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Ankle update - Day 19

I forgot to add a little ankle update. It's Day 19 of my broken ankle adventure. I'm actually getting a little better on the crutches. They still hurt under my arms quite a lot, but my right leg is getting stronger from so much use. The cast is a strange thing. Because it doesn't have any flexibility, when I spend an entire day without elevating it, my leg swells a bit and the cast feels really tight. But then when I wake up in the morning (after having it elevated all night while I sleep) it feels loose, almost like it might fall off. Well, not that loose. Anyway, I just think that's really odd.

I took a very small step yesterday, with lots of support from things around me. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I'm still going to play it safe and not take any more steps until a week from tomorrow, when the doc told me I could start walking on it.

A lovely day

So today was great. I mean it was REALLY great. We got so much done on the fundraiser today. This event is going to be so pretty, I can't wait to see it. We've decided to do the placemats in goldenrod with black accents, so we'll have daisies in the center of the tables, goldenrod placemats, and black plates. It'll be really nice, I think. I had originally planned to do royal blue, white and silver, but it wouldn't go with the black plates, so we decided against it. I think the goldenrod and black will be better anyway.

But enough about work. I want to talk about something I thought about yesterday while driving home. Someone on my street was out mowing their lawn. The smell of wild onions filled the air as he cut them along with the grass, and I realized how much I love summer. It's not quite here yet, of course, but that smell reminded me of being a kid, cutting the grass on a Saturday, hitting a patch of wild onions and just drinking in the smell. Speaking of incredible scents, the sweet olive tree outside my window is still blooming. That is seriously the most amazing fragrance in the world. I tried to find perfume based on that scent, but the one that was supposed to smell like it didn't. At all. Oh, and the wisteira is still blooming, which is another flower with a great scent. My front lawn smells great with all these fragrant flowers. Anyway, back to the original point. I realized how much I love summer. Last summer was horrible, and the one before it wasn't great either. Hurricanes ruined my love for summer, but I'm determined to get it back.

I read somewhere that this hurricane season was going to be pretty bad too. But I've decided to be positive about it. If we get another storm, we will deal. We always do.

Oh, here's a random observation. I went to a car wash today, and the automated voice that came out of the speaker (you know, the one that tells you what to do) had a southern accent. I don't know why, but it really struck me as funny. Only in Alabama...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Lucky meme

While I don't technically believe in luck, I still wanted to do this meme, because it's fun. And because I have nothing else to say. And because I wanted to lighten things up a bit, and I thought this might do that.

1. What's the luckiest thing that's ever happened to you?
I can't think of the luckiest thing, but recently when I went car shopping, the exact car I wanted was on the lot, had actually just gotten there on the truck, so I'd say that's pretty lucky!

2. Is there something that you just cannot seem to have luck with?
I can never find clothes I like when I go shopping. I'd say I'm a very unlucky shopper.

3. Do you do any gambling? If so, what kind?
I've only really gambled once, at a casino in Canada. It was fun, but not something I'd do a lot. I like money way to much to lose it like that! I buy the occasional lottery ticket when I go to Florida, but that's about it. Sometimes raffles, too, but I never win. :(

4. Let's see how lucky you really are. Pick a number between one and twelve (1 and 12). If you guess the lucky number, you get an extra special comment on your blog!
I'll guess 4.

This meme can be found here

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Soooo tired...

I just got home from a work meeting, (for the fundraiser) and it's almost 9:30 in the evening. Meeting days tend to be rather exhausting because they are really long days. I get to work at 8 a.m. and work until 5. I leave work to go to the meeting, which is at 5:30. It takes almost that long to get there. The meetings usually last until 8 or 8:30, and then I have an hour commute to get home. So I'm not going to write much tonight. I'm just too tired to think right now.

I did want to say that I've been thinking a lot lately about my writing, and the fact that I haven't done any in awhile. I need to get back to it. But not this week. Maybe not this month. I'll start back in May, after the fundraiser is over and things slow down a little. At least, I hope things slow down a little.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Day of randomness

Today was a day of random happenings. But none of them were bad, so it's all good. The fundraiser is going really, really well. Today was a great day for it. The calls and follow up is starting to pay off, because we are starting to get phone calls ordering tickets and tables, and we got a new sponsor for the event today that was pretty unexpected and really great! So some of those calls were pretty random. Then I got something in the mail that was random, a work-related project that had to be done very quickly. In a few hours, to be exact. So that's what I spent my afternoon doing.

Rhea called me (randomly) this morning to tell me that she got a new phone and to say we should hang out this week sometime. I agree. I love going to movies and spending time with Rhea. It's cool to have a friend that you've known as long as we've known each other. We're really more like sisters than friends. Anyway, her new phone is just like mine, so now we have matching cars and matching phones. I think we might be a little too close.. lol...

Then Scott called and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. So that was another random thing that happened today. Random, but nice. I have forgiven him for the April Fools prank but I will not forget....

Anyway, it was a random day. I guess that kind of thing makes life interesting. On another note, I'm reading "Little Green Men" again. I read it a long time ago at Rhea's suggestion and it's really, really funny. It's by Christopher Buckley, who also wrote "Thank You for Smoking," which is now a movie out on limited release. I wish it would come here, but it's only out in 126 theaters, none of which are within a 100 mile radius of small town coastal Alabama. That's one strike against my town. Limited release movies don't always make their way down here. Guess I'll have to wait for the DVD. But I really think "Little Green Men" would make a great movie too. It's so funny. I had actually forgotten about how funny it was. Reading it again has been a treat. It's also been a welcome change from Stephen King's "Cell," which I haven't been able to finish. It's just really, really graphic... and it makes me want to stop using my cell phone. You know, it would actually make a pretty good movie too, a really gross movie, but the plot is really interesting.

So I've rambled a lot tonight, but it just fits with my random day. I'm going to stop now and watch a few episodes of "Sports Night." And by the way, if you've never seen that show, run out and get the complete series on DVD. It was a really great show, cut down in its prime. Very funny. Seems like that happens a lot. Everytime I get attached to an inventive, funny show, it gets cancelled. Almost makes me want to stop watching TV... almost...

Sunday, April 02, 2006

An easy mark

Last night, in the middle of our date, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working for him anymore and that he thought we should break up. At first, I thought he was joking, but he kept insisting he was serious. So I started to believe it. And it felt awful. Then, when he saw that I was buying it hook, line and sinker, he smiled mischeviously and said "April Fools." Sooooo mean....

So that got me thinking. I'm an easy mark. Always have been. People love to tease me. But the thing they don't know is, I actually love to be teased. I think it goes back to my dad, who won't tease you unless he likes you. So obviously I grew up being teased every day by him. You would think that growing up with constant teasing would make me a little less likely to believe someone when they tease, but it didn't have that effect at all. It's strange.

But back to the April Fools joke... he did it at 10 minutes to midnight, so I couldn't think of a way to get him back quickly enough, but he needs to watch out because I'm going to get him back one day. Hear that, Scott? You will be paid back for this!!! :)