Monday, October 26, 2009

"I Can't Get No Satisfaction"

I've been thinking a lot about how we, as people, react to each other's lives. There's a saying that everyone knows, "the grass is always greener" and it's so true of most of our mindsets. I find myself looking at someone else's life and thinking about how much I wish I could have that kind of life rather than my own. Envy, you are my worst enemy.

A comment here and there, a status update on facebook, and suddenly I don't like my life and with I could trade it for someone else's - if only for a few days. And then I beat myself up over feeling that way, because I shouldn't envy anything that other people have because I've been blessed with health, happiness, an amazing family and a wonderful group of friends. I have a job that makes me feel good at the end of the day, even when there are frustrating moments. And I have a good sense of self - a level of confidence in myself and my abilities that I haven't always had.

And yet, one little thing and all of that is derailed and I'm envying someone else again.

So I've decided to put a lid on this for good. Whenever I start to feel envy about someone, I'm going to be happy for that person and I'm going to remember that their lives are not perfect and that they have a unique set of struggles and difficulties that they must face just like I do.

I've decided to be satisfied with my life and live it to the fullest. The things I envy in others can be developed or discovered in my own life. I just have to be patient and continue praying for those things - and work hard to achieve things that I can and need to achieve. It's not about what others have or what others do, it's about how I choose to make my own impact on the world.

So I will rejoice with friends when they achieve great things and I will be sad with them when they are rejected or face defeat. And I know that they will do the same for me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

About Me (Archived)

This "About Me" was written quite some time ago, so I'm archiving it to do a new one.

100 Things About Me

I've seen this on other people's blogs and thought it might be fun. I'm just typing these as they come to me, so they are in no particular order, lol! So here goes...

1. My middle name is Elisabeth.
2. I have an older sister.
3. I'm very close to my parents, especially my mom.
4. When I feel like I'm not in control of my life, I rearrange my furniture.
5. I like the beach during the day, but I love it at night.
6. I'm a writer.
7. I'm an actress.
8. I'm a public relations professional (and the two things above this are useful in that field!)
9. It takes a lot to make me angry.
10. I got married at 19.
11. I got divorced at 22.
12. I don't have children, but I would like to have two one day.
13. I tend to be a little anal about certain things.
14. The beginnings of these sentences are not lining up and it's starting to annoy me!
15. I don't like tomatoes unless they are on a tomato sandwich or a BLT.
16. I'm a closet sci-fi geek.
17. I studied opera in college and sometimes I sing arias in my car when I'm driving alone.
18. I love jazz.
19. I think roses are beautiful, but also a little sad.
20. I tone down my bubbly personality at work so they won't think I'm an airhead.
21. My favorite book is Fahrenheit 451.
22. My favorite poet is Walt Whitman, favorite poem of his is "O Me, O Life"
23. I can't write poetry.
24. I love "fancy" coffee, but not "regular joe."
25. I play computer games to unwind.
26. When I get mad at someone, I make them a Sim in The Sims 2 and drown them in the pool.
27. I'm not crazy, I promise!
28. I love Italian food.
29. I love accents.
30. I love dogs.
31. I love to dance, but I'm not very good at it.
32. My favorite painting is Van Gogh's Starry Night.
33. I love Charlie Brown.
34. I have an awesome nephew named Noah, who is the light of my life.
35. I have a beautiful niece named Hannah who is my little princess.
36. My sweet and incredible nephew named Kohl is my cuddle bug.
37. I have horribly embarassing nicknames for my sister's kids, lol!
38. I want to have a child someday.
39. Stress makes me perform better.
40. Sometimes I need to be alone.
41. My sister and I have very different taste in clothes.
42. My sister and I have very different taste in men.
43. I have a few close friends that I've known most of my life.
44. I want to travel the world.
45. I worked for a nonprofit for five years and I mis it terribly.
46. I am in my thirties.
47. I've written 3 novels, but none of them have been accepted for publication yet.
48. I'm determined to get a novel published before I die.
49. I wish I went on more picnics.
50. I'm a hopeless romantic.
51. Chick flicks are my guilty pleasure.
52. Okay, chick lit is a guilty pleasure too!
53. I sometimes wish the book I'm reading would go on after "the end."
54. I get terribly addicted to TV shows.
55. I love to make lists... obviously!
56. I haven't worn a bathing suit in years.
57. I'm trying a diet and exercise program, but haven't told anyone in case I lapse.
58. I'd rather buy gadgets than clothes.
59. I recently learned to knit, and I love it!
60. I dye my hair.
61. I am not a morning person!
62. I sing in the shower.
63. Show tunes make me happy.
64. I am crazy in love with a wonderful guy and can't wait to marry him in October.
65. I love the Harry Potter books.
66. I wish I could write a series of books that become that successful.
67. I have an idea that has potential, but it's going to take a lot more work.
68. I do not believe in ghosts.
69. I do believe in spirits.
70. I am a Christian, but I'm not religious.
71. I dislike organized religion.
72. I prefer white wine over red.
73. I like some kinds of beer.
74. I sometimes wish I could go back and do things differently.
75. I put people I know into my stories sometimes.
76. I never put myself into my stories.
77. People tell me I look like Drew Barrymore.
78. I wish that was true.
79. I want my life to make a difference in the world.
80. I crave adventure.
81. New experiences are exciting to me, but also a little scary.
82. I Google myself about once a month.
83. When I meet someone new, I Google them when I get home.
84. I love to get comments on my blog!
85. Several years ago, I started taking pictures as a hobby.
86. I carry a camera everywhere I go.
87. My political beliefs are different from most of my family.
88. My IQ is 130
89. I want to go to graduate school.
90. I love hearing other people's stories.
91. I am genuinely interested in people and their lives.
92. I am a Scorpio
93. I was born in the year of the Dragon.
94. My Myers-Briggs personality type is ENFJ.
95. The descriptions for Scorpio and ENFJ are very accurate.
96. I wear contacts
97. I am a member of Equality Now
98. Joss Whedon is my hero.
99. I always try to show compassion to everyone.
100. I believe the world would be a better place if nobody had hatred for anyone else.

Monday, October 19, 2009


It's that time of year again! National Novel Writing Month is rapidly approaching and I have no idea what I'm doing! Well, I've been tossing around the idea of starting Draha during November this year, since I've been planning the thing for about two years now! I'm still not finished with the outline, but I need to go ahead and get started. I figure 50,000 words is just enough to get me through the part I've already outlined! :)

So of course, I will be posting daily updates and probably lamentations about my novel writing experience. It'll be fun to blog about Draha, as it's the first time I've attempted fantasy. And young adult fantasy, at that!

Must make a cool banner for the NaNo website and for this blog. It's always fun to make cool banners. More on that later...


Every once in awhile, I have a dream in which I get back together with an ex. Now, several things are important here. I do not (in any way, shape, or form) want to get back together with this ex. There are no residual feelings there and there is no reason I would want to even consider (and neither would he) a reconciliation. And it has been many, many years since I've even seen this man. But every once in awhile, I have this dream.

I had it again last night.

Whenever I have it - and remember that I did - I always wake up with a very unsettled feeling. It is as if I am guilty of doing something I shouldn't, even though I didn't do anything. I have tried to analyze this dream several times and I can't find any kind of correlation between it and what's going on in my life at the time, nor can I figure out what it might mean.

So anyway, I'm feeling really strange today because of this dream, which was more detailed than it usually is, making it even more disturbing, quite honestly! It makes little sense and it has no real importance, but there it is.

Does anyone else out there have recurring dreams that are sort of strange and unsettling.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fix You by Coldplay

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Beaux wrap up

Well, here we are again - doing another show wrap up. As I write this, I'm sitting on the floor of my TV room with the laptop on the coffee table, watching Brothers and Sisters. Kitty has cancer and the entire family is arguing about what treatment she should have. And I'm crying. Not really because of Kitty's cancer, although that helped things along a bit. But because of the people I just said goodbye to and how chances are, at least a few of them will drop off the map at some point and I will never see them again. We always say we will stay in touch, but inevitably we lose contact with some and keep in touch with others. I don't want to lose touch with any of these friends I've made, but I know that for some, tonight's goodbye was the last I will ever say to them.

The experience was an amazing one. I hadn't planned to audition for this play, mainly because I assumed I wouldn't be right for any of the parts. And also because Restoration Comedy sounded as dull to me as reading the phone book, mostly because I had never read any. I assumed the language would be stuffy and that the story would be boring. Well, it was anything but boring! And while the story was funny and fun, that's not what I'll remember. I will remember something unique and special about each and every one of my cast and crew mates. The things I am grateful I was able to experience while getting to know them and while creating something with them.

Donna - An amazing actress and a phenomenal person! Donna played my mother (and a few other relatives) in Quilters and I've watched her act in other shows. Sitting backstage with Donna (who played my father in this show) was always fun. And playing her daughter, being on stage with such a talented person, was an amazing experience. There is so much I can learn from someone with such natural talent and charisma on stage.

Casey - A new addition, someone I hadn't met before. Casey was our youngest cast member, just a teen, but is an incredibly talented young man. He played violin during our scene changes, proving that he is quite an accomplished musician, and in the opening scene, played Daniel, a young servant in the inn (who I always assumed was my brother, although I don't think the script ever said that) and showed that he is very good at falling down without getting hurt. At least not hurt too badly!

Scotty - I stage managed the first show this season and met Scotty as a result. We have happily kept in touch and I am so glad we got the chance to be on stage together for this, the last show of the season. A talented filmmaker and actor, Scotty will be someone to watch in the next few years. His movies will eventually be ones you can see in the theatres, if he has anything to do with it! I was in his movie this spring, which is currently in post production and will premier sometime soon. He is also a great person, just a big teddy bear! I'm looking forward to meeting up with him for karaoke now that we don't have rehearsals!

Timothy - I met Timothy at the read through of my very first play at Theatre 98. He freaked me out more than any person ever has! It turns out, that was his goal - so he did a good job! I played his "love interest" in that play and sort of did the same in this one. Things really do come full circle sometimes. Timothy is just an incredible actor who has great on stage presence. It is so easy to act with him because he's so present - always in the scene and always in character. And he's so much fun backstage. He sang to me about cherry chapstick every night before we went on - because my character's name was Cherry. So I put on cherry chapstick before we did our kissing scene, just for him! He's also a director that I would like to work with one day (hint, hint!)

Rick - Another new person to me, but not new to the theatre. His last show was before I got involved. I'm so happy he decided to come back because it was a pleasure to spend time with him! I discovered that he is not just a great actor but a great person as well. He has so much compassion for others. In addition, his poetry and his sense of humor are both sharper than the sword he used in the fight scene! I will never forget the night he did a "take 2" in the fight scene because the stool he normally kicked into the air and then caught sort of fell to the floor. It was seamless and perfect. The audience loved it, and so did we!

Marcus - I served as his stage manager earlier this season - the same play Scotty was in, actually! He had a lot of confidence in me as a director because of my work as stage manager, so he was one of the reasons I was able to direct Enchanted April. I enjoyed being on stage with Marcus a lot, because he throws everything into the role and it was easy to find his character despicable - because he made the character that way. In reality, he's a very nice person who likes to entertain others.

Lesley - What can I say? She's a talented actress and has become a very good friend. I so loved our scene at the end of Act 1. But it was difficult to keep a straight face while she did that to the gun and I wasn't supposed to know what she was doing! Lesley has been there for me through some tough times and I hope I can return that favor one day. I am so happy that we have become friends and that we are going to be seeing even more of each other in KidStuf and small group at church.

Nicole - We met during Quilters and I can honestly say she is the most beautiful woman I've ever met in person. Imagine how happy I was when I discovered that she is also a beautiful person inside! I think in many ways Nicole and I are kindred spirits. We even talked a little about that tonight. She's so funny and happy and bouncy. I used to be like that and am hoping I can get back to it when I lose some weight. She is an inspiration to me with her running and her weight loss. And she's such a REAL person. I love that about her. I'm so glad we got the chance to get closer during this play and I hope we can get even closer now.

Leslie - I admired her so much when she played the lead in The Trip to Bountiful last year and even won the SETC award for Best Actress when they took the play to the competition. She is a great actress and a joy backstage. I loved getting to know her. Leslie also had my favorite line in the entire play. "I am female and I am dangerous!"

Sue - I know a lot of people who know Sue because she's very involved in Mobile theatre. I hadn't met Sue before this and I really enjoyed getting to know her. She was hilarious backstage and did so well playing her part on stage. She played a man, as several of the ladies did, and it was hysterical watching her do it!

Cindy - She's clever and sweet and I really enjoyed working with her! Her emails to the cast were so funny, and I really had fun backstage with her. She made a great cross dressing country woman pirate and I loved watching her in the fight scene. And her country woman speech was hilarious!

Jarred - A rare person indeed, this guy is just amazing. I am so glad I got to know Jarred better during this show, because he was so shy during Enchanted April, and now that we're in small group together (with his wife Katie and some other awesome people!) I'm glad my first impression of him was correct - that he's just an all around great person! He is also an incredible actor who makes the most out of every single role, including a lovely servant woman. It was the best bearded lady I've ever seen!

Tom - He was a new person to our family, but it didn't take long for him to become one of us. He even came to rehearsals he didn't have to attend, just to get the full experience. This helped when they gave him the backstage headset so our stage manager could be up in the booth with our light operator. His Sir Charles Freeman was so regal and dignified - and I was so happy that I got to end up with his character in the end! There is nothing quite like seeing someone discover a hidden talent. With Tom, we all got to see that happening! I hope he tries out for something else, because he's really got talent and passion for it!

Andre - He came to the theatre to help coach my actors in Italian for Enchanted April, which was so helpful! I was so glad he decided to try out for this show. He was perfect as the French parson! Everyone loved his scene, and he was so helpful backstage. I hope he decides to do another show sometime soon.

Jonne - The director. I feel like I learned so much from Jonne, while he advised me on Enchanted April and during the rehearsal process of this show. He's a very creative and very talented director and I really enjoyed working with him. His shows always look so pretty - the movements are like dance steps. It was great to be a part of that. I can't believe this man managed to direct this complicated show while undergoing tests for a brain tumor, not knowing whether or not he would even be able to finish the play. I'm so happy he was able to finish and that things are going okay now with his health.

Jestina - Our wonderful stage manager! She's my new best friend! Well, she's everybody's new best friend, mostly because she says that all the time. She is one of the reasons our cast got so close, I think. She did these great emails with awesome random subject lines that just prompted all kinds of crazy conversations. I loved those emails, they helped break up the day at work! And they helped us all get to know each other better outside rehearsals, which is part of the cast bonding process, I think. Jestina was so great at being in charge when Jonne turned the show over to her. I'm looking forward to seeing what she does as a director herself one day. And wait until we get her on stage!

So you can see why I loved each and every one of these beautiful people and why it was hard to say goodbye. I hope we can continue our friendships and that we will see each other again very soon.