Friday, August 24, 2007

confusion sets in

There is so much confusion. So much I want to do, and I seem to be unable to do any of it. I am torn in so many directions that I'm not sure what to do anymore. I love working in public relations, and I absolutely adore working in nonprofit, but there is no future where I am, no way to advance beyond my current station unless someone quits or gets fired, and that's not going to happen. I want another job, one where I can continue growing. I also want to find something that will allow me to enjoy the other part of my life, the writing, the theatre, and the photography. It's odd... when I was in college, all I wanted was to find a job that consumed every minute of my life because I'm single and don't really have a huge amount of friends. But now that I've found theatre and the group of people involved in it, I want my free time!

Deep down inside, I yearn for the stage. I wish I would have gone after that when I had the chance. Now, I feel I'm too old and way too out of shape to try for anything professional in that area, not to mention the fact that most people in theatre/television/film are beautiful, and I'm average at best.

Why did I have to be cursed with so many passions? I want to do so much in my life, and now I'm too old to do some of them, and have too many financial obligations to pursue others. Like I said, I love my job and I love working with an organization that helps people, but my passions... they are my reason for living. I still want with all my heart to be a writer, and I'm trying to get that off the ground so I can do it fulltime. It'll be a few years before I'm able to go fulltime, though, so in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to get things started.

Still, the confusion remains, and I'm unsure what to do about it.


  1. Anonymous7:53 AM

    "The theatre" does not mean just performing. Do you have any idea how many jobs in the business do not involve being in front of an audience, where looks don't matter?

    It takes approximately 150 people to run a Broadway show every night. That's how many of us there are in the building.

    Regionals hire all the time -- they need staffs, too. Also, if you freelanced as a grantwriter for a regional, you could also volunteer/get hired for other jobs in the building. If you're there, they'll use you.

    But it's not something for "free time". There's a saying that theatre is a jealous mistress -- if you make the commitment to that as your vocation, you don't have "free time". It is all-consuming.

    Next summer, why not get a job with Alabama Shakespeare -- one of the best regionals in the country -- and see if you actually like what a life in the theatre entails? Take an LOA from you job and see how it feels.

    Working in community theatre is VERY different from working in pro theatre. There are plusses and minuses to both, but the taste of community theatre is just that -- a taste. Doing it for a living is a whole different ball game. There's no such thing as being able to take a day off, and there's no such thing as being too tired to do whatever needs to be done. You don't play at it. You live it.

  2. Thanks for the info and the insight, Devon. You are always great about that. I know it is a time-consuming job and if I did make that commitment I would be totally committed. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I think it's just a dream, nothing more. One thing I love about community theatre is that I'm able to do so many different things. I love being onstage, but I've found that tech is just as much fun.

    Now the writing... that's a different story. Not only is it a dream, but it's something I can see making a reality. It's something I'm not afraid to work for and something I'm determined to achieve!