How attractive are you?
I never thought I was very attractive. Even when I was in high school and the thinnest I have ever been (a size 8 at one point) I thought I was fat and never thought I was very pretty. I would look at the other girls in my class and wonder what their lives were like because they were so pretty and thin. I knew I was a good person with a lot of talent and was happy that I was smart, but always wanted to be prettier.
As I became an adult, I realized how unimportant it was to be "attractive" in the physical sense. The guys who looked only at the outside of a woman were not the kind of guys I wanted to be with anyway. I wanted someone who would look inside and realize what a beautiful person I was there, rather than on the surface. I wished so much for it. But it never seemed to come to me. After joining the wonderful family at Theatre 98 and finding my place on stage again, I started feeling more attractive. This was one place where my talent was appreciated and where I could get all dressed up and be pretty on stage - there were several roles where I was chased (literally and figuratively) by men on stage. This helped me feel better about my outside appearance, but I still didn't have a lot of confidence in my outward beauty. I didn't really care that much about it, to be honest. It didn't matter at that point whether I was attractive or not, as long as I was smart, talented, and had great friends and family.
Until I met Jon. Even if he never said I was pretty (which he does quite often) I would still feel pretty. Even though I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed and there are sometimes dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep (wedding planning... ugh) I still feel more beautiful than I ever have. I feel so loved and accepted and appreciated. It's nice to finally feel that way. And even though I know it's not as important as the deeper attractiveness, it's still nice to know that someone thinks I'm beautiful.
I always thought you were beautiful. And yes, I'm just randomly reading your blog today and will probably comment on a few more posts before the day is over with. :) You're such a great writer!ReplyDelete
Awww.. you're so sweet! And you're beautiful too, by the way. I've always thought so.ReplyDelete
By the way, I randomly read your blog too - and I love it - talk about a great writer!