Friday, January 22, 2010

Journal Topics: I Love You

Describe the first time you remember saying "I love you" to someone outside of your family.

I've always been pretty conservative with romantic love and have only really said "I love you" to a couple of guys, and only when I was really sure I loved them.  So the first time I said it to someone outside my family was to a friend.  She was going through a really hard time and I was trying to be there for her.  I didn't know what to say, so I just said that I was there for her and I loved her.  I'm not sure if that helped, but I know that I always feel special when someone says they love me, so I hope it did.  I remember it so clearly.  We were at her house.  She was talking about her family problems and issues with boys and self-esteem.  We were teenagers and of course when you're at that stage of life, everything seems so much bigger than it is.  She was crying and very upset.  It was one of the only times she ever let me hug her.  And so I did - and just told her I loved her and that everything is going to be okay eventually.  To tell the truth, I was completely terrified that she would do something drastic and dangerous to herself.  I don't think my time with her had anything to do with her not hurting herself, but I do like to think I helped a little.  We are not in touch anymore, which happens as you grow up and grow apart, but I think of her often and hope that she is okay.

I say it to my friends and loved ones a lot now.  It's something simple that I can do to make them feel loved and special.  I love to tell people I love them, but only if I mean it! 

I grew up in a very loving household.  My mother especially was extremely loving to us and always said she loved us.  She also loved giving us hugs and letting us sit in her lap.  She is the most motherly, most nurturing person I know and I hope that if I become a mother some day, I will be as loving and nurturing as she was!  I think my attitude about love comes mostly from her and the way she expressed her love for us.

As usual, I've gotten a little off topic, but that's okay.  It was nice to reflect on the different kinds of love and where my attitudes about love come from.  Especially now, after a health scare involving my mother, and with my current relationship going so well, I've been thinking a lot about love and how we tell and show our loved ones what they mean to us.

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