Saturday, November 28, 2009

Life, love, and other mysteries

Just when you think you've got it all figured out, something comes along that completely derails everything. Sometimes this derailment is welcome and positive, sometimes it is not. In this case, it is extremely positive.

I have avoided writing much about this because frankly I'm a little superstitious. I sometimes feel like if you give something a name, it goes away. And this was so unexpected and wonderful that I have to share.

I have been really struggling with being single for the past few years. At first, it didn't bother me. I didn't care because I was not in any hurry to get hurt again, and all the relationships I had ever seen always ended badly. For that reason, when a really great guy came into my life, I kept him at arm's length. We dated casually for a few months, not really seeing each other much mainly because of my show schedule. I liked him, enjoyed spending time with him, but refused to allow it to go any further because I was afraid. But then I realized that when you keep people at a distance, you end up alone. So I let him in a little. And can you believe it... he didn't run away! He came to see all the plays I was involved in this year, and even brought me flowers! :) He seemed to like me the way I am, which is so nice.

So almost a month ago, we decided to make our relationship exclusive. Not that either of us actually had other people that we were dating, but it's nice to make things official! Since then, things have been amazing! He is a wonderful guy and I am so happy that we are in this relationship. I have high hopes for this one. :)

Isn't it funny how things happen sometimes? I've been thinking a lot about life and its mysteries. I think God must have a tremendous sense of humor. I'm sure he laughed the entire time that Jonathan and I were getting to know each other and holding each other at arm's length because we didn't want to get hurt. I kept saying I just wanted to find a nice geek guy who I could laugh with and love. The whole time that guy was right there and I was getting to know him but was keeping myself from really feeling what I knew I would feel if I let myself.

Life is crazy sometimes. So right now, I'm just really loving life. Everything seems to be going well and I'm truly happy in all aspects of life for the first time in a long time. It's nice. I almost feel like it's a blessing because of being faithful and trying to live right. Maybe this is the ultimate plan. Who knows? Only God, and I trust Him.

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