Journal Topics: A Higher Power

Do you believe in a higher power? Describe what you believe.

Yes, I absolutely believe in a higher power. I believe in the God of the Bible, the creator of everything (although I don't really believe in a literal 7-day creation, not 7 days as we know them, I mean. I think days were not measured in the same way they are now, so a day could have been a thousand years or whatever) I believe in a God who sacrificed His Son for our sins so that we could have a daily close relationship with Him, because that is why we were created. I believe that He loves us and our worship of Him is something that brings Him joy and pleasure.

We talked in small group about how we picture God last week. It was very interesting. People were saying what kind of mental pictures they get of God when they think about Him. I've never really given Him an image in my mind. It's really more like pure light emanating from a core of light rather than a physical form. Although I will admit that when I imagine God speaking, it's with the voice of James Earl Jones. I know, that's a little strange, but I had an audio bible once that was read by James Earl Jones, so it just kind of stuck with me. He has such a majestic, booming voice, that I really think it works, though!

We talked last week about meditating on God, about just spending one minute thinking about God every day. I've tried to do that this week and have found it to be fairly difficult. It's something I need to practice more.

Life, love, and other mysteries

Just when you think you've got it all figured out, something comes along that completely derails everything. Sometimes this derailment is welcome and positive, sometimes it is not. In this case, it is extremely positive.

I have avoided writing much about this because frankly I'm a little superstitious. I sometimes feel like if you give something a name, it goes away. And this was so unexpected and wonderful that I have to share.

I have been really struggling with being single for the past few years. At first, it didn't bother me. I didn't care because I was not in any hurry to get hurt again, and all the relationships I had ever seen always ended badly. For that reason, when a really great guy came into my life, I kept him at arm's length. We dated casually for a few months, not really seeing each other much mainly because of my show schedule. I liked him, enjoyed spending time with him, but refused to allow it to go any further because I was afraid. But then I realized that when you keep people at a distance, you end up alone. So I let him in a little. And can you believe it... he didn't run away! He came to see all the plays I was involved in this year, and even brought me flowers! :) He seemed to like me the way I am, which is so nice.

So almost a month ago, we decided to make our relationship exclusive. Not that either of us actually had other people that we were dating, but it's nice to make things official! Since then, things have been amazing! He is a wonderful guy and I am so happy that we are in this relationship. I have high hopes for this one. :)

Isn't it funny how things happen sometimes? I've been thinking a lot about life and its mysteries. I think God must have a tremendous sense of humor. I'm sure he laughed the entire time that Jonathan and I were getting to know each other and holding each other at arm's length because we didn't want to get hurt. I kept saying I just wanted to find a nice geek guy who I could laugh with and love. The whole time that guy was right there and I was getting to know him but was keeping myself from really feeling what I knew I would feel if I let myself.

Life is crazy sometimes. So right now, I'm just really loving life. Everything seems to be going well and I'm truly happy in all aspects of life for the first time in a long time. It's nice. I almost feel like it's a blessing because of being faithful and trying to live right. Maybe this is the ultimate plan. Who knows? Only God, and I trust Him.

Ug update

Ug rehearsals are going really well! The play is funny and the cast is even funnier! I absolutely adore these people and really enjoy the time I'm spending with them on this creative journey. Sure, it's a little silly, but it's a musical and my part is awesome, so silly is okay!


One thing I'm thinking very seriously about is that this will be my last play for a little while. It's time to rest up a bit and let other people enjoy the spotlight. I will probably try out for Chicago, to be performed in May of 2010, but I don't think I'll try out for any other Th98 plays this year. The next one has already been cast, and the following one is being directed by a friend who was in the last show I was in, so he probably won't cast me. He has a rule of not casting people he's worked with recently. The last two of the season are going to be good, but I'm more interested in watching them than participating.


I'll be honest - I'm tired. Exhausted, really! And I want my free time back! I love theatre, but I need a break to concentrate on other things. So after this show, I'm taking a break!

Epic Fail

Well, this year's NaNoWriMo is a complete and utter failure, but I'm okay with that. I've been spending my time doing other things I love. The great thing about writing is that you can do it anytime, not just in November. I plan to really concentrate on it in the coming weeks, but I'm not putting the pressure on myself to finish in November. I don't need that right now. The story is good and will get written. I'm giving myself a goal of finishing the first book and the rest of the outlines by the end of 2010. I think that's a reasonable goal - both challenging and attainable.

One really cool thing is that I've been hired to write a grant for a local arts organization. This is great, because it'll help me prepare to write my own grant for my theatre. I'm also going to look into some additional freelance opportunities. I know if I concentrate on it, I can get some work and start moving toward full-time freelancing. Hopefully!

Ug, the Caveman Musical

Yes, I did it. I tried out for Ug. Mostly because I wanted to be in another musical and it was the only option right now, but also because I heard the music and it's actually pretty clever. I was having a conversation last night with a friend about how some plays actually play alot better than they read and I think this is the case with Ug. There are some really cute moments, and I'm playing a really fun part. I get to sing a love duet, have a meltdown in the middle of a rehearsal, sing a jilted lover song, and then reunite with my true love - all in the same show! And I get to call my good friend Nicole a slut, which is always fun! So many great cast members will be a part of this production, and the director is one I've stage managed for before and I know he tries to make things fun. And fairly laid back, which is good!

So anyway, I got my script last night and I did all my highlighting. Today, I dropped it off to have the binding cut and have it spiral bound because it's just easier to work with that way. I have a feeling I'll be taking lots of notes on choreography. I hope it's really active and fun choreography because I always lose a lot of weight when I do a musical and this time I'm shooting for 30 pounds!

I think the audience will really enjoy themselves in this show. It's our season's fluff piece.

NaNoWriMo: Day 5

Current wordcount: 6,779
Today's wordcount: 1,667
Time spent writing: 1 hour
Time spent on NaNo Boards: none so far
Time spent knitting a writer's block: none
Today's soundtrack: Coldplay playlist
Today's mood: Crazy

Okay, when did November 5 happen? And where did November 2-4 go? It's been a busy few days and I have lost my head completely, especially with my writing! I did manage to get the minimun wordcount requirement in today, but I still need to catch up. I should be at 8,335 words and I'm only at 6,779 words!

NaNoWriMo: Day 1

Current wordcount: 5,112
Today's wordcount: 5,112
Time spent writing: 2 hours
Time spent on NaNo Boards: 5 minutes
Time spent knitting a writer's block: none
Today's soundtrack: Fellowship of the Rings soundtrack
Today's mood: Pretty darn happy!

I'm doing things a little differently this year. I'm using NaNo to write large paragraphs for each chapter of the book rather than trying to mess with dialog (which tends to be my weak point and takes longer for me to write) I'm much better with description, so I'm getting all that out of the way and filling in the missing parts later. So in a way it's like a detailed outline, more detailed than the one I was working on before, which was basically just the chapter names and a sentence or two about what might happen during that chapter. This is much more detailed and I can see the book coming together in it. Some really cool details are jumping out, so that's really exciting. Today's writing has made me realize how much I've missed it and I know I need to start making time to write again. The story just kept coming to me as I was writing today. It was awesome. It's been a long time since I've been able to "fall through the hole in the page" and just write. I had forgotten how thrilling it can be!

Overall, a very good first day. There may be more later. Now that I've started, I'm not sure I want to stop!