How attractive are you?
I never thought I was very attractive. Even when I was in high school and the thinnest I have ever been (a size 8 at one point) I thought I was fat and never thought I was very pretty. I would look at the other girls in my class and wonder what their lives were like because they were so pretty and thin. I knew I was a good person with a lot of talent and was happy that I was smart, but always wanted to be prettier.
As I became an adult, I realized how unimportant it was to be "attractive" in the physical sense. The guys who looked only at the outside of a woman were not the kind of guys I wanted to be with anyway. I wanted someone who would look inside and realize what a beautiful person I was there, rather than on the surface. I wished so much for it. But it never seemed to come to me. After joining the wonderful family at Theatre 98 and finding my place on stage again, I started feeling more attractive. This was one place where my talent was appreciated and where I could get all dressed up and be pretty on stage - there were several roles where I was chased (literally and figuratively) by men on stage. This helped me feel better about my outside appearance, but I still didn't have a lot of confidence in my outward beauty. I didn't really care that much about it, to be honest. It didn't matter at that point whether I was attractive or not, as long as I was smart, talented, and had great friends and family.
Until I met Jon. Even if he never said I was pretty (which he does quite often) I would still feel pretty. Even though I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed and there are sometimes dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep (wedding planning... ugh) I still feel more beautiful than I ever have. I feel so loved and accepted and appreciated. It's nice to finally feel that way. And even though I know it's not as important as the deeper attractiveness, it's still nice to know that someone thinks I'm beautiful.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, September 05, 2011
Celtic Knot Stole - My Wedding Wrap
So this is what I've been working on for awhile now, and the progress in the last several days has actually given me hope that it may actually be finished before the wedding. It's a wrap with a celtic knot pattern, something that is kind of a running theme throughout the wedding (including our wedding rings.) I love the yarn, it's a Vanna's Choice yarn in the color Topaz, which is basically a creme color with gold metallic yarn running through it. It sparkles in the right light, which of course I will make sure we have for the wedding! :)
So here it is, from row 1 to row 180 out of 495. I may actually shorten it because I'm not sure I want it to be quite as long as the pattern makes it. Anyway, here it is, as of today!
In the Moment
I've been thinking a lot about the big moments in life and what we remember about them. High school graduation, college graduation, wedding... all of these moments are a single day that celebrates something you have worked and planned for - but it's that one day you want to remember.
And it's often that one day that you don't remember much about at all. I think it's because we, as people in general, are not good at living "in the moment." We are always planning and thinking and remembering things we should have done or need to do. We're so busy with the details that we forget the big picture. The reason.
I find I'm most "in the moment" when I'm on stage. I'm right there, acting and reacting and working with the people around me. I'm feeling what I should be feeling and it's almost overwhelming at times. And I love it! So it's good practice, I guess, because the moment I marry Jon, I want to be there. In that moment. And nowhere else.
And you know what? I want to do that with life in general. You never know when a day is going to be an important day, so why not try to live in the moment every day? That's what I'm going to try to do from now on. It should be interesting... :)
And it's often that one day that you don't remember much about at all. I think it's because we, as people in general, are not good at living "in the moment." We are always planning and thinking and remembering things we should have done or need to do. We're so busy with the details that we forget the big picture. The reason.
I find I'm most "in the moment" when I'm on stage. I'm right there, acting and reacting and working with the people around me. I'm feeling what I should be feeling and it's almost overwhelming at times. And I love it! So it's good practice, I guess, because the moment I marry Jon, I want to be there. In that moment. And nowhere else.
And you know what? I want to do that with life in general. You never know when a day is going to be an important day, so why not try to live in the moment every day? That's what I'm going to try to do from now on. It should be interesting... :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Puppies!
Just had to share these recent puppy photos! I swear, these two are just like children!
Kaylee smiling.
Emo Simon.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Journal Topic: Judge Anita
Describe what kind of judge you would be.
Judge not, least ye also be judged. It's in the Bible, yet so many Christians are very bad about judging others. I try really hard not to be one of those people. I believe I have enough flaws to deal with in myself without trying to point out the flaws of others. So in real life, I do not like to judge.
However, if I were an actual judge, if that were my job, I would be very different. I do believe in mercy, but if someone breaks the law, they deserve to be punished. I've seen too many families, too many children destroyed by an irresponsible role model who taught them that a life of crime is the only way to live.
So that's basically what my philosophy would be if I were a judge. Of course, there are lots of technicalities and considerations when judging people in that capacity, and I would be a fair judge in that respect, always looking at all the sides and angles, but in the end, if someone is guilty beyond all doubt, I would certainly advocate punishing them in the most severe possible way. Especially if they have done it more than once or if the crime was violent or against children or animals.
Judge not, least ye also be judged. It's in the Bible, yet so many Christians are very bad about judging others. I try really hard not to be one of those people. I believe I have enough flaws to deal with in myself without trying to point out the flaws of others. So in real life, I do not like to judge.
However, if I were an actual judge, if that were my job, I would be very different. I do believe in mercy, but if someone breaks the law, they deserve to be punished. I've seen too many families, too many children destroyed by an irresponsible role model who taught them that a life of crime is the only way to live.
So that's basically what my philosophy would be if I were a judge. Of course, there are lots of technicalities and considerations when judging people in that capacity, and I would be a fair judge in that respect, always looking at all the sides and angles, but in the end, if someone is guilty beyond all doubt, I would certainly advocate punishing them in the most severe possible way. Especially if they have done it more than once or if the crime was violent or against children or animals.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Journal Topic: Alone
Do you go out to eat alone, to the movies? Why or why not?
When I was single, I did this quite a bit. In fact, almost every week when I was in college I went to a movie because I reviewed them for the college newspaper. I did not always have a companion and I didn't not want one every time I went. There's something nice about being by yourself to do things that you would normally do with other people. It gives you some perspective and the opportunity to people watch. And we know how much I love to people watch!
Now, when I do go out alone, I use my phone as a distraction. I tend to play a game while waiting for my food, or read a book using the pretty awesome Nook software. Or I may have my actual Nook with me in which case I will read from it. I really have a lot of reading to catch up on!
Of course now, I have a companion most of the time and it's really pretty awesome going out with him. Most of the time, if we are going out for dinner we are together. But I still do lunch by myself sometimes, and that's nice too.
When I was single, I did this quite a bit. In fact, almost every week when I was in college I went to a movie because I reviewed them for the college newspaper. I did not always have a companion and I didn't not want one every time I went. There's something nice about being by yourself to do things that you would normally do with other people. It gives you some perspective and the opportunity to people watch. And we know how much I love to people watch!
Now, when I do go out alone, I use my phone as a distraction. I tend to play a game while waiting for my food, or read a book using the pretty awesome Nook software. Or I may have my actual Nook with me in which case I will read from it. I really have a lot of reading to catch up on!
Of course now, I have a companion most of the time and it's really pretty awesome going out with him. Most of the time, if we are going out for dinner we are together. But I still do lunch by myself sometimes, and that's nice too.
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