As part of my "passion" search for the year 2009, I'm analyzing my life and how I approach things. During this analysis, I realized something very interesting. I'm a crusader. I tend to seek out situations and people that I can help because that's something that makes me feel good. I like helping people and I like improving situations.
But I wonder sometimes - do I crusade to the point that it affects my own well-being? My own happiness? It's something I'm struggling with right now.
On the one hand, it really does make me happy to help others. On the other hand, I wonder sometimes if my endless crusades are just a way to keep me from putting myself "out there" socially because I'm afraid of what might happen.
It's something I've been thinking about especially since reading the Enchanted April script, watching the movie, and listening to the audio book that the play is based on. One character seems to be interested in helping the poor and being righteous so much that it affects her relationship with her husband.
I wonder sometimes if I use my crusades to keep me from being disappointed or rejected.
In light of that, tonight I "put myself out there." The result wasn't exactly what I had hoped for, but it wasn't entirely negative either. We'll see what happens.
I'm not saying I'm giving up on my crusades, because they are so much a part of who I am. What I'm saying is that I am committed to take some time for myself. This time will help me figure out what needs to be done and how to do it in order to really see my life's true potential. And isn't that what passion is all about? Finding your life's true potential? I think it is.
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