Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Journal Topics: Forgiveness

I will never forgive myself for hurting my sister.  I don't think the circumstances need to be made public, but I said something extremely hurtful to her when I was 16 years old, something that haunts me to this day.  

I spent my entire childhood wanting to be just like my big sister.  She was pretty, funny, popular, and always had a boyfriend.  I was average in every way and had a few friends.  It wasn't really until we found very different interests that we carved out very different identities, though.  She was great at sports.  I was not.  Well, I wasn't horrible, but I was nowhere near as great as she was.  I, on the other hand, was good at drama and music.  Even though I got rid of my very thick glasses and got contacts, went blonde, and became friends with an amazing group of people in high school, I still wanted to be like her.  Well, she said something that hurt my feelings one night when I was 16 years old and I shot back a comment that was the most hurtful thing I've ever said in my life.  

So I'd like to take this opportunity to say I'm sorry to her.  Gina, you may not remember this moment in our lives like I do, but I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm glad you are my sister.  I love you and would do anything for you if it meant I could take back that moment.

Now that we are adults, I have come to appreciate our differences.  I no longer want to be like her, or anyone else, for that matter.  I'm happy and comfortable with myself and am glad I can be who I am with the people I love.  I still admire her for the things she does and for the person she is.  She has overcome more adversity than just about anyone I know.  And she has done it all without losing any of that beauty, humor, and the lovable personality that she had when we were kids.

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