Journal Topics: Listening

What stops you from listening?

Repetition.  No seriously, I can't stand it.  If someone says something over and over, more than three times in a row, it makes me tune them out completely.  It goes the same for songs, stories, etc.  They say that comedy happens in threes, and I agree - but three is the limit!

Negativity.  If all you have to say is negative stuff all the time, don't say it to me!  I can't stand when people can't look on the bright side at all.  I'm not saying everything has to be positive all the time, but please don't constantly complain, and don't fuss about every little thing.  It drives me crazy.

Statements that attribute characteristics to entire groups of people.  People are individuals.  It makes me really mad when people say "All _______ are _________."  Like "all men are pigs" or "all women are bad drivers."

For the most part, I'm a good listener.  I love to talk with people about their problems, discuss current issues, and debate with people who disagree with me.  I love to listen to people talk about things that make them happy or sad, things they enjoy, events in their past, and how their day went.  Even if it was a bad day.  Actually, especially if it was a bad day, because that means you need to talk.  And I'm here to listen.

Journal Topics: Forgiveness

I will never forgive myself for hurting my sister.  I don't think the circumstances need to be made public, but I said something extremely hurtful to her when I was 16 years old, something that haunts me to this day.  

I spent my entire childhood wanting to be just like my big sister.  She was pretty, funny, popular, and always had a boyfriend.  I was average in every way and had a few friends.  It wasn't really until we found very different interests that we carved out very different identities, though.  She was great at sports.  I was not.  Well, I wasn't horrible, but I was nowhere near as great as she was.  I, on the other hand, was good at drama and music.  Even though I got rid of my very thick glasses and got contacts, went blonde, and became friends with an amazing group of people in high school, I still wanted to be like her.  Well, she said something that hurt my feelings one night when I was 16 years old and I shot back a comment that was the most hurtful thing I've ever said in my life.  

So I'd like to take this opportunity to say I'm sorry to her.  Gina, you may not remember this moment in our lives like I do, but I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm glad you are my sister.  I love you and would do anything for you if it meant I could take back that moment.

Now that we are adults, I have come to appreciate our differences.  I no longer want to be like her, or anyone else, for that matter.  I'm happy and comfortable with myself and am glad I can be who I am with the people I love.  I still admire her for the things she does and for the person she is.  She has overcome more adversity than just about anyone I know.  And she has done it all without losing any of that beauty, humor, and the lovable personality that she had when we were kids.

getting stuff done

I have been so freaking productive yesterday and today!  And last week, too!  Three grant applications last week, two so far this week, an info packet for our upcoming Women Build program, website updates, event planning, all kinds of great activity!  For the first time in a long time, I don't feel like I'm spinning my wheels without anything happening.  There are a lot of other things I need to do, but for right now, I feel pretty good about how things are going.

Still feeling a little unsettled, though.  I don't like closed doors and there are a lot of those lately.  I just hate not knowing what's happening!  Limbo is a bad place to be, and while I've never been told I need to feel like I'm there, I still do.  Frustrating!

But I'm not going to focus on that.  I'm going to look at the very positive things I've been able to do lately at work and I'm going to know that I'm doing everything I can to improve our situation and hopefully some of these things will pay off soon!

Unsettled

It's such an odd feeling, especially considering my personal circumstances.  Things are going so well right now in my personal life, I'm happy in a relationship for the first time in a long time, really happy.  But I still feel unsettled.  Tonight, I figured out why.  I like to have a plan and I like to know what's going to happen.  Right now, there is something in my life that is completely beyond my control and I have no idea if or when something will happen.  

Most people who know me know what that thing is and while it's something I'm not comfortable sharing in a public forum, please know it's not about my personal life.  As I said, that's going great!  

But still... feeling unsettled.  I have a big problem with not being in control over my own circumstances.  I feel very uncomfortable when I can't make decisions for myself or when I feel like I'm waiting for something.  And that's just how I feel in this situation... waiting to see what is going to happen.

Sonnet 116

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

Dreams

Dreams 

By Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly.Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.

Pretty Kaylee

Okay, so she's not really MY dog, she belongs to Jon, but I will claim her!  Who wouldn't?  Isn't she adorable?  She was exhausted when I took this photo - you usually can't get a good shot of her because she rarely ever sits still, but on this day, she was worn out at the park and just wanted to rest quietly on the couch.    Anyway, I just had to share this photo because it's just too darn cute!

This Too Shall Pass - OK Go

This Too Shall Pass - OK Go




You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down
And you can't keep draggin' that dead weight around.
If there ain't all that much to lug around,
Better run like hell when you hit the ground.


When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.


You can't stop these kids from dancin'.
Why would you want to?
Especially when you're already gettin' yours.
'Cause if your mind don't move and your knees don't bend,
well don't go blamin' the kids again.


When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.


Let it go, this too shall pass.
Let it go, this too shall pass.


(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)
Let it go, this too shall pass.


(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


Hey!


Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)


When the morning comes!

Renewed Commitments

I am renewing some commitments.  These have fallen by the wayside with all the theatre obsessions of the past year and with other things to do with my time, but I need to carve out time to do these things again. 

First off, I need to get back to exercising every day.  I was on such a great roll there for awhile and I just stopped.  One great thing about this renewed commitment is that I can do this while spending time with the amazing Jon, since we have decided to start going to the gym together.  We both want to get healthier and doing it together is a great way to make sure we keep doing it!  So yay for that!  And of course, on the days we do not go, I always have my dear friend, the elliptical. 

Another commitment is to my writing.  I've been doing a little of it, but not nearly as much as I want.  Also, I want to start reading again.  I have a pile of books that I want to read.  People keep recommending them and I write them down, but I never read them!  Maybe I should join a book club or something.

I have been knitting a little lately, which is great.  I'm kind of itching to start a new project, but I know if I do that, it just means I'll be working on the log cabin blanket even longer!  I really want to get that project finished so I can start using it.  Maybe it'll be done by next winter...  I went through some of my magazines last night and found some great quick summer projects.  I may have to try a few of those.  I still haven't tried a shirt or sweater or something like that.  Maybe I should...

So those are some things I'm going to work on a little more in the coming months.  I think I can balance those things with spending time with Jon and my friends.  In fact, I know I can.

Four Squares Finished!

This may take the rest of my life to complete, but it sure is fun!  Here are the four completed squares in their different configurations.  I still haven't decided what I want to do with them yet, but this helps me see what the finished product will look like - and I'm really pleased with it so far!!  Comments?  Which do you like better?

Atlanta trip and house/puppy sitting

We got back from Atlanta this afternoon.  Jon and I and his friend Chad all drove up together to see a concert.  There were a lot of bands and they all rocked.  The headliner was Epica, and they were amazing.  I love this genre of music, which I didn't even know existed until recently.  The music is metal, but the vocals are almost operatic.  In some songs, not even almost.  Whoever thought of having a classically trained female vocalist sing beautifully with metal playing behind her vocals is a freaking genius!  If you haven't already guessed, the show was a lot of fun.  I haven't headbanged since Poison and Def Leopard, so I was a bit out of practice, but I'm pretty proud of how I was able to keep up!  ;)

This morning, Jon went to the airport from our hotel in Atlanta to go out of town for work.  For two weeks.  It's so funny how things work, you know?  This time last year, we hadn't even met in person.  When we did finally meet (my fault, I put up walls because of the one kind of psycho guy I had met online before) it was often two weeks between our first few dates.  And it didn't seem like a long time, you know?  But now that we've been together for awhile and the relationship is going so well, two weeks seems like a year!  When you don't go more than two days without seeing someone and suddenly you don't see them for two weeks, it can be tough!  Of course, I'm going to be pretty busy because I'm house/puppy sitting for him while he is gone and this puppy can be a handful!  I love her and her crazy energy.  Wish I could bottle it up and sell it.  Or just use it myself.  Yeah, that would be good. 

So anyway, that's what's going on right now.  Here's a cute photo of us from the hotel in Atlanta.  I thought I would post it since I haven't posted a photo to this blog in awhile.