Testing...

I have an appointment with a fertility specialist next Monday.  I'm so nervous about this.  It's a consult, and I guess he will decide when to do tests and what tests to do based on our initial visit.  I don't have any idea what to expect, honestly.  I'm on the verge of freaking out about it.  I keep thinking that maybe something went wrong with my c-section or post-op and that's why we haven't been able to get pregnant again.  And maybe we never will be able to.  And that really scares me.  And I'm afraid he will tell me to lose weight before he will help me.  I know I need to, I have really been trying, but it has been very slow.  I don't want to have to wait another six months (while I try to lose weight) to start treatment if that is what we will need to do.

I guess I'm being impatient, but I'm old!  It's pretty hard not to be impatient when you read all the stats about women 37 and older not being able to have children or having children with problems.  It's enough to make anyone crazy.

So we'll see what he says.  If you haven't already guessed... the pregnancy test last month was negative.  :(

This cycle (cycle 9) I put away the fertility monitor, the ovulation predictor tests, the basal thermometer, and the charting app.  I have no idea which cycle day we are on right now and I have no idea when I'm supposed to ovulate.  We're trying something a little different.  Who knows - maybe it will work?  I know one thing, I'm feeling much more relaxed this time around than I have been the last six months or so.  Much more relaxed.