Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sunday Scribblings: Second Chance

This week's prompt is: Second Chance. Is there someone who you need to give a second chance? Do you wish you could have one with someone else? Do you need a do-over? Is there something you wish you could do all over again? Have you failed at something that still bothers you? Is there a Sunday Scribblings prompt you would like to use again? Is there a day you would like to live all over again? Do you have a character in mind with regrets? What would you like to do differently given the opportunity? Here's your chance - your second chance!

I thought long and hard about this topic before posting. I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit this in such a public way, but here goes. As anyone who has read this blog more than once or twice would know, I got married young. Really young. 19. (I said I was young!) We divorced when I was 22. Actually, the divorce papers arrived at my house on my 22nd birthday. How's that for a great gift?! As horrible as that time was, it is not what I would choose to do over. In fact, I'm grateful for the experience, because it helped to form the person I am now. As a result of this experience, I went back to school and was driven to succeed in life. After all, living well is the best revenge, right?? But I can't really blame him, or me, for the problems in our marriage. He was still in denial about his sexuality, so I truly believe he didn't know things wouldn't work out between us.

So if it's not the marriage and divorce, what do I want for my second chance? Love. I have finished school and have a great career. I have become a confident, independent woman and I don't need a man to make me happy. But I do want one.. lol! Now I know what I want in a man and what I really don't want. Is it possible to know that at 19? I don't think it is! I had no idea who I was at 19, so how could I know the qualities I want in a partner? Bit now, at 30, I have some very concrete ideas about it! So anyway, that's my dark secret. I want a second chance at love. I want to have a relationship like the one my parents have, and I want to have a child. Along with my other dreams and ambitions, along with my personal and professional goals, I want those things too. Not because they are expected of me, and not because they would complete me (don't get me started on that stupid mentality) but because I want them. But here's the thing... I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am to get them. I will never again lose myself just to be in a relationship. It's not worth it.


More second chances here.

2 comments:

  1. Talk about coincidences! We filed the paperwork on my first divorce (lol) the day after my 22nd birthday! (married at 19 as well) The oddest things you find out about people, right?

    Just remember, doll, love is one of the few truly renewable resources we have in this life. My motto is to fall in love deeply and often :) Best wishes to you.

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