Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
My mother is doing fine now, by the way. Around mid week, she developed cabin fever and decided she was going to go back to work. I was not happy about that at all!!! But she managed to go to work without incident on Thursday and Friday, so I'd say she's recovering nicely. We are totally opposite in that way... I would love a week of doing nothing but relaxing, but it pretty much drove her insane. I guess she just gets bored more easily than I. She doesn't have as many hobbies and passions. Given a week off work, I could write, write, write! I would also knit, watch one of my many movies or TV shows on DVD, play computer games, or read. She doesn't really do any of those things, so I guess it's easier for her to get bored. Anyway, it's back to work as usual for her tomorrow.
Oh! The exciting news is that I heard from one of the soldiers I wrote to! I'm going to keep writing to him. It's so great to know that my letters are making someone smile.
Well... Desperate Housewives is almost on and I have nothing else to say, so that's it for today!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
I'm reading a book called "Knight in Shining Armor." It's about finding and developing a Christian relationship. I think it has some very valuable advice, such as the section that goes along with the above verse. I've never been hung up on outward appearance, mainly because I've always considered myself average looking. I also tend to be attracted to average looking guys who have exceptional character, or who seem to have exceptional character... lol. I guess I'm a bad judge of character. But anyway, it was good advice. Maybe more guys should read it and stop looking at the "hot" bimbos that will only use them for their money and then drop them like hot cakes. Do I sound bitter? I'm really not. I just think it's sad that a person who has so much to offer can't give it to someone special because she's not the ideal. It gets me down sometimes, that's all.
But I'm not giving up. I'm not desperate for a relationship, as I said in a previous post, but I would like to find the right person one day. For now, I'll just keep praying and living my life the way I know I should live. If it happens, it happens... right?
Anyway, it's back to work tomorrow. I almost wish I could stay home with mom another day, just to make sure she behaves herself. She's not supposed to do anything major, no heavy lifting or bending over, and I can just see her doing all that when she's at home alone. I hope she doesn't.
Nothing else exciting is going on really. I got another name today from the Soldier's Angels TLC team. I'll be writing that letter tonight so it can go out in tomorrow's mail.
I might be back later with another progress photo of the square. It's looking better and better!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
I went to Rhea's house after the meeting so I could exchange season 2 of Star Trek with season 3. It's cool, like I have my own video library! (but you're much more than that, Rhea, you're also a music library, lol) She loaded my iPod with shiny new tunes and some TV shows too! Just what I need, right? More entertainment?! It will be very useful on my flight to LA, though. It's a long flight and I get bored easily.
We went for coffee and while we were there, she suggested I try to knit a Jayne Cobb hat (from the short-lived TV show Firefly, so when I got home, I looked it up. I can't believe how many people out there have patterns for this particular hat! It's great! I found this one that I think I'll use. It's a simply awful hat, in my least favorite colors to wear, but it'll be great to have one for DragonCon this year. (only to be worn inside, as Atlanta is truly "Hotlanta" in September!) So of course I'm going to try it after I knit the hat for my soldier. In fact, I might just make one for all the people who are joining me for DragonCon this year. Chris, would you wear a Jayne hat if I made it for you??? I attempted to use my circular needles last night and got completely confused. After that, I found a video online that helped me understand a little, but am still a little afraid of them. Of course, I felt the same way about the purl stitch, so I'm sure I'll get it eventually. I love a challenge... Speaking of DragonCon, I should check the guest list to see if anyone good has been added. *goes off to check list*
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
This was my verse tonight, and it came at the right time. There are many things in this world that I do not understand, many things I wish I understood. Sometimes I question why things happen. I think it's okay to question, but ultimately I have to trust Him. After all, He knows better than I what to do about the state of the world.
Monday, January 08, 2007
I'm kind of at a point in my life where I'm looking back over the choices I've made and wondering what would be different if I had made different choices. I recently heard from an old friend. When we were in high school, we planned to move to New York when we graduated. I was going to study voice at Julliard (yeah, big ambition!) and he was going to take art at NYU. We were going to get a tiny loft apartment and live like the artists we were. I was going to have a wonderful career on Broadway and he was eventually going to open his own art gallery. Of course, those dreams are very difficult to achieve, even if you have the talent and drive to achieve them. But I still regret not trying. I regret not having that moment in my life. I can see us so clearly, living from day to day, not having much money, but happy because we were doing exactly what we wanted to do. But that never happened, because I decided to play it safe. I decided to follow a guy instead of my dream, and we all know how that ended. Married at 19, divorced at 22; I was completely crushed, a shell of the person I had been. At 23 I had to start all over again, a college freshman with no idea what to do with myself.
The last 7 years have been incredible for me. I found myself again, discovered the pieces of me that had been taken away by my ex, and put them back together to become a stronger person than I had been. But, because I immediately went back to school, and was in school for 5 years, I still feel as if I haven't lived much. I still feel unsettled, I still feel like a child in many ways.
I have a wonderful job that I absolutely love, but I still find myself wanting more. I will never forget how incredible it felt to be on stage, to hear the applause, to play a role totally unlike myself. I feel more at home in that environment than anywhere else. (I know, I'm such a diva!) But seriously, it's one thing I've always been able to do and it's the thing I enjoy more than anything. (although writing is a very close second, but I think the instant gratification of being on stage and hearing the applause is what makes it more enjoyable to me than the writing, if that makes sense)
The other day, someone told me I should try out for American Idol. I got a little jolt when I realized that, even with the higher age limit, I'm still too old. Taylor Hicks is a month older than me, but he was smart and got in before he hit the age limit. I should have done that, but at the time, I felt that I wouldn't get very far because of my physical apperance. I thought they only wanted thin, beautiful girls, so I let my insecurity get the better of me and didn't do it. Now I wish I had, because I know I could have been a contender. (pardon the reference)
Anyway, that's where I am right now, feeling as if a large chunk of my life has passed me by and I have very little to show for it. I'm not sure where to go from here, except to continue my personal quest to live more fully, to experience everything I can experience before I truly am too old to experience anything new.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
So if you like music, or if you just want to go see a great movie with lots of twists, ups and downs, and some touching moments, go see Dreamgirls.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
When that was finished, I did about 10 minutes of strength training with the 5 pound weights that have been sitting in my exercise room, staring at me, for several months. I've started SparkPeople again, so tracking nutrition and exercise is easy! Seriously, if you've never tried SparkPeople and you want to lose weight, you should check it out. According to their nutrition tracker, I've consumed a little over 1200 calories today, and my range for each day is 1200-1500. I had a little more yesterday, but still in my range, so that's good.
After I finished exercising, I felt a surge of creativity, so I started mapping out the YA fantasy story that I've been itching to start. It's still just a beginning, just an idea, but it's starting to take shape. I have several pages of notes about characters and settings, and an inkling of a plot. It should turn out to be a series, so I'm working now on what will be the overall arc of the story and thinking of what types of subplots would work best with it. It's more ambitious than anything I've ever attempted, and I'm a little nervous about it. Of course, the best way to do these kinds of things is to dive in, whether it's just writing or doing some research. I am diving in with both feet!
Now that I'm finished with that, I'm going to knit a little before going to bed. I find it's the perfect thing to do as I'm winding down in the evenings. Eventually, I'll finish this first scarf and can start on some new projects. I'm so excited about this new hobby, and I'm really committed to learning everything I can about it. I met someone else around my age who knits, and we're talking about starting a Stitch n Bitch group. I hope we can get that going, because it'll be great to meet other knitters. Since I've started knitting, I've discovered something interesting. Several of my online writer friends are also knitters, and several of the knitters I've found online also write. I wonder why? I guess it has to do with creating things from what looks like nothing. Writers weave words to make the fabric of a story, and knitters do the same with yarn or other fibers. Either that makes a lot of sense, or I'm just delirious from the exercise...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
I could call 2006 a season of growth for me. It was also a season of conflict and confusion in many ways. Of course, the conflict and confusion created the growth, so I'm not going to complain about that! For six years after my divorce, I avoided relationships. I told myself I didn't want to take the risk, that I didn't want to open up to someone just to get hurt again. But at the beginning of 2006, I actually managed to let someone in. The relationship didn't work out, he was not the right person for me due to our differences in opinion about several very important matters, and due to our priorities being totally different, but here's the thing. I don't regret the relationship at all, because it taught me something. I can love again, and I will love again. Just because he wasn't the right one, doesn't mean there isn't one out there who is.. right. 2006 saw the beginning of that relationship and then the subsequent breakup. I had never broken up with someone before. As painful as it was, and as horrible as I felt about it, I knew it was the right thing to do. And it was a huge step for me personally, because I made a decision to be in charge of my life and I realized it was better to be alone than with the wrong person. 2006 brought my 30th birthday, which was an important moment for me. My twenties were filled with conflict, difficulties, and some pretty awful situations, so I was fairly happy to leave them behind. I went forward with the lessons I learned from these situations. I think those lessons will serve me well for the rest of my life. I have gained confidence in myself and in my abilities, and I'm finally ready to stop putting myself down about my physical apperance. I also feel that I grew professionally. I've become a lot more confident at work, and my skills at my job have grown tremendously. I'm especially pleased with my grant writing skills and how they have grown over the past year. I have a long way to go, but I feel good about the way things are going so far. Overall, 2006 was a very good year.
2. What achievement left you proudest last year?
My grant record. In 2006, I wrote 22 grants and we were funded for 20 of them. I'd say that's something to be proud of.
3. What were your disappointments?
I had some personal disappointments. I thought I would be in a different place this year, that I would have a family or would be ready to start one. I feel years and years away from that happening, if ever, and that is a disappointment in a way.
4. What do you wish you had done differently?
When I knew something wasn't going to work out, I let it go too long. I know now that I should have stopped it much sooner.
5. How did your goals for the year evolve and change over the course of it, and what were the unexpected experiences?
As always, my goals evolved. One thing that I get really frustrated about is that I have a hard time keeping with my long term goals, especially the ones that deal with personal issues, like losing weight. I did write a lot more this year than I ever have, so that was one great result of making these goals. One other way my goals evolved was that I decided to do some new things, to shake things up a little. This has proven to be a good decision, as I've picked up a couple of new hobbies and have met some very interesting people as a result.
6. What was the best unexpected thing to happen in your year?
Knitting! Who knew I would enjoy it so much? I know that's a strange thing to name the best unexpected thing, but it's great to find a new hobby that I can really enjoy and that helps me relax.
7. Looking ahead, what are your goals for 2007?
- finish Deadly Council
- finish Under the Magnolia Tree
- continue pitching Summer's Blossom
- finish After the Storm
- start the YA fantasy that's been in my head
- read the Bible all the way through
- read more classics
- take some art classes
8. What steps do you plan to get you there?
I just need to have some discipline to do these things. They are not difficult, I just have to work hard and do them!
9. What are your dreams for 2006?
10. What steps will you take to bring you closer to them?
Keep writing, keep pitching, keep going until it happens.
11. What are your resolutions for 2006?
I resolve that I will do everything I can to meet my goals. I also resolve that I will take the time to relax and enjoy life more, so that I don't look back on it and wish I had experienced more and worked less.
12. How do you plan to get there?
By taking a look at my life every day, by continuing to work toward my 101 in 1001 list, and by enjoying my hobbies and developing new ones.
13. What changes has the last year brought to your long-term plan?
The last year helped me realize that I need to stay where I am a little longer. I need to learn more before I can attempt to get a director's position somewhere. It has also taught me that I need to look at my motivations for wanting to go to grad school. Is it because I want to accomplish something that my friends have accomplished? Do I feel a need to prove myself? Or do I want to go because I think it would be best for my career? I have to decide that before I can make any real decisions about what I want to study.
14. Where would you like to be one year from now?
One year from now I would like to have better control of my finances. I would like to have sold something I've written (short story, novel, novella, article, etc)