Friday, February 20, 2015

"I will not yell today."

Image courtesy of 
imagerymajestic at
I'm a yeller.  I admit it.  I've always been a little louder than the average person.  It helps on the stage, because there it's called "projection," but in real life, it's just talking loudly or yelling.  I also have a temper.  It's not something I'm proud of, but there it is.  My ex husband can attest to my temper as he has had the unique experience of seeing a cast iron skillet flying toward his head after calling me a bitch during a particularly nasty fight.  My current husband can attest to the fact that I'm better at controlling my temper than I was back then.  So at least there's that.  I'm easily frustrated.  I lack the patience that my mother has in spades.  I wish I had inherited some of it.

"I will not yell today."
I start every day with this mantra.    It usually lasts about five minutes.  Then the toddler sticks his hand down his dirty diaper and fingerpaints on the wall.  Or headbutts his little brother.  Or pulls a dining room chair into the kitchen, climbs up onto the counter, and throws half a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts onto the floor for the dogs to eat.  Dogs who, by the way, eat dog food that costs $60 a bag and is grain-free.  (honestly, they eat better than we do!)

"I will not yell today."
But then I do.  And he shudders.  And says "I'm sorry, Mommy.  It's okay."  I sink down onto the floor and give him a hug, fighting back tears as I say to him "I'm sorry, baby.  It's okay."

I can navigate a board meeting like nobody's business.  I can handle myself at a networking event like a boss.  I can create marketing plans and crisis communication plans and create winning copy for brochures, magazines, and anything else that needs words, but I can't figure out the right gentle words to use with my two year old, who I love more than life itself.  I struggle to figure out how to apply the business skills I worked so hard to attain to this new job - this full-time Mommy job.  I know they have to apply somehow.

"I will not yell today."
It's almost 10 a.m. and I have so far succeeded.  I know it's inevitable, but that doesn't keep me from trying.  Every single day.  Because I know he doesn't mean to frustrate me and because I know that he's the best boss I've ever had.  Even if I fail, I know I can keep trying.  Because he's the most forgiving boss too.  I mean, it's not like he can fire me.  Not yet, anyway.

What do you struggle with as a mom?  Do you use any kind of mantra or something else to help you?  Let's share with each other so that we don't feel so alone.

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