Monday, March 31, 2014

The end of treatment

We are not going back to the doctor.  I know it seems crazy to stop after only one month, but it's the decision we have made and I believe it was the right one.  There are a few reasons for this.

1. Bedside manner. He did not keep me informed about things I needed or wanted to know, such as my progesterone level after my very first blood test - I didn't know that until after I asked several times. And even then, he said it was 5 on cycle day 25, which indicated my ovulating was "lousy." When I asked for more detail, he didn't give it to me. And then he gave me some really basic details about how everything works in a really condescending tone, as if I hadn't done any research and didn't realize how pregnancy occurs.  AND when he asked me about my c-section, he interrupted me two seconds into my answer and then never came back to it.

2. He really made me angry by telling me how old I was repeatedly in what I believe was a high-pressure tactic designed to get me to do IUI on the first cycle of Clomid, 

3. The treatment was too much pressure for us and was affecting our relationship 

4. The expense of it is just way too high. 

5. The treatment and monitoring was awful.  Medication side effects, transvaginal ultrasounds twice a month, the pain those caused... I don't want it badly enough to put myself through all that right now.  I may change my mind one day, and I still have a few years before this is a dire situation, so for now I'm saying "that's enough."

6. We already have a child and don't need to struggle for another one. So we decided that if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, we have a beautiful sweet boy and our family is complete.

So even though the sun is setting on this phase of our lives, I am hopeful.  Hopeful that things will work out they way they are supposed to, not the way I try to force them to.  I've decided to give the entire situation to God and say "if you want us to have another child, you're going to have to make that happen," and for now, I'm going to enjoy life and focus on what matters to me right now.  The family I have.  The son I love - who is quite enough to deal with at the moment anyway!

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