No official diagnosis yet, but the diagnosis on my lab sheet is pretty clear. I knew it would be the case, but still, seeing it written out like that is kind of a shock. I mean, it didn't take any time at all for us to conceive Nathan. First month we tried!! But this time, 9 cycles in and nothing but negative tests, I guess something happened between then and now. Age is probably the biggest factor. I'm almost back down to pre-pregnancy weight, so that shouldn't be an issue. Or something bad happened during my c-section that we just don't know about. That's the possibility that scares me the most.
I went to see a fertility specialist today. Is it a "fertility specialist" or an "infertility specialist"? I can't ever figure out which one it should be. I guess it's both. I spent the entire day completely nervous and anxious. The only thing that kept me from going completely crazy with anxiety was knowing Jon and all the ladies from my October 2012 birth club "The Pumpkin Patch" were there with me in spirit. Knowing some of the ladies had been through the exact same thing before really helped because they were able to reassure me and make me feel better about the upcoming appointment.
I had to fill out a ton of paperwork, and honestly remembering some of the stuff they asked about was difficult at that moment. I really don't remember exactly when I had my tonsils out - I know it was like 12 years ago! When they took my blood pressure, it was high. It's not normally high, but I was so anxious. But there was really no reason to be nervous. The staff members all were very welcoming and gentle. The nurse who asked me the initial questions and took my vital signs was very pleasant and helped put me at ease. We talked about the weather and seasonal allergies, and she asked about Nathan. We talked about having a toddler for a few minutes. Even though she didn't specifically say it, I could tell she was a mom, just by the way she talked about toddlers and they way they are. That actually put me at ease a bit too, oddly enough.
So then she led me into a room and asked me to wait for a minute to see the doctor. He was in very quickly, probably in a minute or two. We sat down and talked together about a lot of things, previous history, history before having Nathan, what's been happening since I had him, any issues I may have been experiencing, all that. He looked at my charts quickly and saw what cycle day I was on, and then asked if we had "taken advantage of the current fertile period" within the last 48 hours. I thought that was a pretty funny way to refer to it. When I said yes, he said "perfect, I can check to see how things look."
We moved to an actual exam room and he did an exam, during which he extracted fluid from the cervix for analysis. He said the fluid looked very good, actually the word he used was "beautiful." And he checked some other stuff as well, making a joke that there was one uterus and two ovaries, so that was good. He said everything checked out well there. I got dressed and he came back after analyzing the fluid and he said there were "plenty of healthy sperm" in it, so there's no issue there. He told me we needed to "take advantage of another fertile day" and then started talking about lab tests. He wrote up a slip for a progesterone test - a blood test - for 10 days from the appointment. So I have to go in for a blood test on March 6 to make sure I did, in fact, ovulate this cycle. He said either I would be pregnant or we would start looking at other tests at that point.
He said if I didn't get pregnant this time, he wanted to get a look at my tubes, to make sure nothing happened to them during the c-section. Which, of course, is a great fear of mine.
So that was the end of my consultation. It was not covered under our insurance, so the cost for that brief encounter and the tests was $250 out of pocket. I have dubbed one of my credit cards "the 2.0 card" and that's all I'm going to use it for until I get pregnant or it maxes out. It sucks to be adding to credit cards when we are working so hard to pay credit cards off, but I do want to use a card for this, since it will be easier to keep track of our expenses related to it this way. Plus, I'm actually planning to pay off as much as I can each month so it shouldn't ever max out unless we end up doing a procedure that costs a lot all at once.
Do I feel better? I actually do. This visit was the first step, and it will open up some doors for us that were not open before. If we need treatment, this doctor can do it. And I liked the doctor a lot. He was very reassuring. He did mention my weight, and when I told him I was working very hard on that, he said "good for you."
Did I want to have 2.0 the old fashioned way? Of course! Getting pregnant that way is free! But I would love to have a "made by love and science" baby if that's the way it has to be. Either way, it's a baby. Either way, Nathan gets a sibling. And either way, our family will be complete. Otherwise, we are going to have to get another dog. ;)