Sunday, May 16, 2010

One month and no end in sight

I got a letter yesterday.  It was from an organization that had two jobs I applied and interviewed for, and it was a rejection for both jobs.  So that brings my good prospects list down from four to two.  One of the two called last week for a second interview.  This would be an amazing job.  Not only would it be great and not only would I be great at it, but even the lowest part of the pay scale would be $12,000 per year more than I was making before.  Waaay more than I would have expected to make at this stage.  I can't even imagine what I would do with that much money.  But I'm going to keep myself from thinking about that.  Can't count my chickens, especially in this economy.  I hope, hope, hope I get this job.  I would be so great at it.  I guess it all hinges on what happens Wednesday at 2 p.m.  Second interview, here I come.  And that's all I've got.  After that, there is nothing left.  Except the 30 other applications/resumes that are floating around out there.  Of course, who knows what is happening with those!

I hate this unknown stuff.  It's driving me completely crazy.  Yesterday was the one month anniversary of my unemployment.  It was kind of a dark day, as it was the same day that I read the rejection letter.  But then a little light at the end of that tunnel was a really nice email from the publisher of the first freelance assignment I attempted.  The two editors said my piece was fun, informative, and well-written.  So that was nice.  It made me feel a little better.  Like I am not completely worthless, anyway.

Oh, and I moved yesterday.  Back to the parents until this unemployment disaster is over.  Hopefully it will be over before September, because that's when I'm supposed to be taking a huge and wonderful step, moving into a townhouse with someone special...   But there is no townhouse without a job.  So you see how much hinges on this whole job thing.  If it takes me more than a few months to find something, I will not be a happy girl at all!  So I continue with the search in the hopes that something great will come along.  Or at least something acceptable that pays enough.  I'm not going to be too terribly picky at this point.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

nothing to do...

I hate days now.  Every week day stretches out in front of me with nothing to do, no purpose and no focus and no way to contribute to society.  I have decided that unemployment is so much more than just not having money.  It's not really having a purpose - an identity.  Especially if you are like me and part of who you are is wrapped up in what you do.

I became a nonprofit development/public relations specialist because I wanted to help people.  Having lost the second job I've had in the field two weeks ago, I feel like I have no way to help.

Sure, I have had a few interviews, and yes, I've tried to stay positive about everything and yes, there are other parts of my life that are very, very positive.  But not having a job is really hard for me.

I love nights.  I can be with people I love who also love me.  Nights are interesting and fun.  But the days... well, it's hard not to sink into depression or something when your days have no purpose.  I'm not sure how people deal with longterm unemployment, especially if they don't have children to occupy their time.

I've been spending my days mostly trolling job boards online and applying for anything that sounds at all appropriate, and of course going to the few interviews I've managed to land.  But that's only part of a day.  I've been watching a lot of TV and talking with my roommate a lot and playing on the computer a lot.  I should be exercising, but I can't seem to have enough energy to get off the couch most days.

I need to find a job quickly, before I lose my mind.  I am not good with this much alone time - this much leisure time.  I should be writing or doing something else productive, but I can't manage to do that either.  I try.  Oh, I have tried many many times.  But I can't manage to do it.  In fact, this is the most I've written since losing my job on April 15.  And now it's May 4.  And I'm still unemployed.  And not sure what the future will bring.  Which, of course, is terrifying.