I hate days now. Every week day stretches out in front of me with nothing to do, no purpose and no focus and no way to contribute to society. I have decided that unemployment is so much more than just not having money. It's not really having a purpose - an identity. Especially if you are like me and part of who you are is wrapped up in what you do.
I became a nonprofit development/public relations specialist because I wanted to help people. Having lost the second job I've had in the field two weeks ago, I feel like I have no way to help.
Sure, I have had a few interviews, and yes, I've tried to stay positive about everything and yes, there are other parts of my life that are very, very positive. But not having a job is really hard for me.
I love nights. I can be with people I love who also love me. Nights are interesting and fun. But the days... well, it's hard not to sink into depression or something when your days have no purpose. I'm not sure how people deal with longterm unemployment, especially if they don't have children to occupy their time.
I've been spending my days mostly trolling job boards online and applying for anything that sounds at all appropriate, and of course going to the few interviews I've managed to land. But that's only part of a day. I've been watching a lot of TV and talking with my roommate a lot and playing on the computer a lot. I should be exercising, but I can't seem to have enough energy to get off the couch most days.
I need to find a job quickly, before I lose my mind. I am not good with this much alone time - this much leisure time. I should be writing or doing something else productive, but I can't manage to do that either. I try. Oh, I have tried many many times. But I can't manage to do it. In fact, this is the most I've written since losing my job on April 15. And now it's May 4. And I'm still unemployed. And not sure what the future will bring. Which, of course, is terrifying.
You have so many people around you who love you, and I know the days are hard. You DO have a purpose, though - you stated it in your entry! You will find a way to put that purpose into practice soon. We have both been through tough times and are survivors, and you will survive this, too. These words won't help today (or maybe they will), but they are words of love, encouragement, and faith in the best, most genuine person I know: my Anita. And no, Mr. Mr., I'm not going to take her from you! ;0)
ReplyDeleteI've freelanced all my life, and love it.
ReplyDeleteThe transition is a shock, but you're a creative person, and you may find, in the long run, you like it better.
Make your own schedule. X amount of time, you write. Whether you feel like it or not. This unemployment is a gift to your writing -- don't spit in the Universe's face. Butt goes into chair, words go on paper.
X amount of time goes to job searches. What companies in your area interest you? Send a pitch letter; convince them they can't live without you. Don't wait for a job to appear -- create the position you want withe the company you want.
You can do this.
PS also try temp agencies. I wound up working at some great not-for-profits doing temp work in between shows.
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